“So, have you seen Flood?" she asked. "Cop?" She added "cop" with a high pop on the p, like it was a… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“[Abby to Tommy and Jody who are hugging] So I'm like, "Cold-faced killers on the clock, bitches, we don't have time for… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“[Author's Notes] As I write this, September 2002, much about the humpback song is still unknown. (Although scientists do know that it… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“I was all, "Oh, dog, Countess gonna crack open a forty of whup-ass on you now. Oh, you in the sh*t now,… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“A hundred brilliant witticisms died suffocating on the captain's heavy glove. Thus muted, I pumped my codpiece at the duke and tried… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Not yet!" said she [Goneril], trying to roll me over and get back to smacking my bum. She honked my codpiece. You… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“She glanced over her shoulder to look at the forty-foot cabin cruiser where Captain Tarwater posed on the bow looking like an… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“[Conservation] Barring that, just yell at people randomly to stop killing whales. It could catch on. Really. ("Would you like fries with… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“My name," said Mr. Fresh. "Pardon?" Charlie stopped tying himself up. "I dress in mint green because of my first name. It's… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“I'll not have an exchange with an impudent fool." [Oswald] He's not impudent," said Jones [the puppet]. "With proper inspiration, the lad… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“[...] Y'know, the Duchess Regan is living here at the tower now? I took your advice about not talking about her boffnacity… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“So, like, the master needed a hand, if you know what I mean, so I was like, "Oh chill, it's a stress… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Careful crossing the street," Tommy called back to her as he crossed. [Jody is drunk] "Ha!" Jody said. "I am a finely… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Inspector, there's no smoking allowed in here," said a uniformed officer who had been called to the scene. Cavuto waved to the… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Soon a whole guild of low-priced shrine keepers around Europe named their own pope - Boldface the Relatively Shameless, Discount Pope of… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“She gave him the wide, green-eyed expression that she would have described as I will slap you so far into next week… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“The next day the weather was blown out, with whitecaps frosting the entire channel across to Lanai and the coconut palms whipping… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“My skin cleared up! I don't have a single zit." -Tommy Ding, ding, ding," Jody onomatopeed, signaling that Tommy had hit on… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Love? Sodding, bloody, tossing, bloody, sodding, bloody love? Irrelevant, superfluous, bloody, ruddy, rotten, sodding love? What ho? Wherefore? What the f*ck? Love?” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“[in regards to the "Asian guy"] He was so cute - in that Final Fantasy Thirty-Seven way. What I'm saying is, the… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Jody noticed that the kid was focused on the breasts, which were defying gravity, and apparently death itself, by standing there at… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“She had a lot of nerve signing her note "Love." [...] But she did sign it that way: "Love." What did that… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“My children are monsters, Kiro thought. And I am responsible. Perhaps if I had read them the haikus of Basho when they… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“At the pet store he picked out two painted turtles, each about as big around as a mayonnaise-jar lid. He bought them… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“[Acknowledgments] I recommend them all for further reading, but when you're finished, you may have to read several of my books and… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Alive," Kimi interrupted. "I get you out of typhoon alive and you just yell and say bad things. I quit. You get… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Pervy and redundant, don't you think?" I asked the big gay cop, who wouldn't know a va-jay-jay if it bounced up to… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“You first," Tommy said. They stood in the great room of their loft on either side of the futon, where the huge… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“[...]I am a romance slut, and there's nothing I can do about it. If a guy does or says something romantic, I'm… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“She have to go pick up prescription, so I watch Sophie for short time. And tiny bears are happy when I go… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Kayso, Foo finally came home and I jumped into his arms and sort of rode him to the ground with a massive… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Love them all," said Renoir. "That is the secret, young man. Love them all." The painter let go of his arm and shrugged. "Then,… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“I tried cutting myself to express my heartbreak over Tommy (Lord Flood) rejecting me, but OMFG it hurts like flaming fuck.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place. — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“I hope you are not here to ask me to do my bawdy business- the monkey has a nosebleed and the circus, sir, is… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“The night was crisp and the stars shone with a cold blue light like loneliness or infinity.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Abby Von Normal - And I'm like, "Don't change the subject, Kung Pao, what I want to know is if you're ready to spend… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“You can't just go around blurting out the truth like a prophet with Tourette's syndrome.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“…turning your ankle hurts like hell, even if you're a superhero.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
![“[Abby to Tommy and Jody who are hugging] So I'm like, "Cold-faced killers on the clock, bitches, we don't have time for your bonery right now." --The Chronicles of Abby Normal” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/fc4/christopher-moore-353_bite-me_abby-to-tommy-and-jody-who-are-hugging-s_1275219.jpg)
![“[Author's Notes] As I write this, September 2002, much about the humpback song is still unknown. (Although scientists do know that it tends to be found in the New Age music section, as well as in tropical waters...)” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/cd0/christopher-moore-353_books_author-s-notes-as-i-write-this-september_1071886.jpg)
![“Not yet!" said she [Goneril], trying to roll me over and get back to smacking my bum. She honked my codpiece. You honked my codpiece." Aye, give it up, fool." [...]” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/d1b/christopher-moore-353_christopher-moore_not-yet-said-she-goneril-trying-to-roll_554564.jpg)
![“[Conservation] Barring that, just yell at people randomly to stop killing whales. It could catch on. Really. ("Would you like fries with that?" "Shut up and stop killing whales!" "Thank you. Drive through, please.")” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/6e7/christopher-moore-353_christopher-moore_conservation-barring-that-just-yell-at-p_1478469.jpg)
![“I'll not have an exchange with an impudent fool." [Oswald] He's not impudent," said Jones [the puppet]. "With proper inspiration, the lad sports a woody as stout as a mooring pin. Ask your lady." I nodded in agreement with the puppet, for he is most wise for having a brain of sawdust. Impudent!…” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/f88/christopher-moore-353_christopher-moore_i-ll-not-have-an-exchange-with-an-impude_1919885.jpg)
![“[...] Y'know, the Duchess Regan is living here at the tower now? I took your advice about not talking about her boffnacity [footnote], even with the duke dead and all, can't be too careful. Although, I caught sight of her in a dressing gown one day she was up on the parapet outside her solar. Fine…” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/a4d/christopher-moore-353_christopher-moore_y-know-the-duchess-regan-is-living-here_1361839.jpg)
![“Careful crossing the street," Tommy called back to her as he crossed. [Jody is drunk] "Ha!" Jody said. "I am a finely tuned predator. I am a superbeing. I --" And at that point she bounced her forehead off a light pole with a dull twang and was suddenly lying on her back, looking at the…” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/29d/christopher-moore-353_christopher-moore_careful-crossing-the-street-tommy-called_2012882.jpg)
![“Inspector, there's no smoking allowed in here," said a uniformed officer who had been called to the scene. Cavuto waved to the drawers [at the morgue]. "Do you think they mind?" The officer shook his head. "No, sir." Cavuto blew a stream of smoke at Gilbert [a dead guy]. "And him, do you think he…” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/d29/christopher-moore-353_bloodsucking-fiends_inspector-there-s-no-smoking-allowed-in_757345.jpg)
![“Soon a whole guild of low-priced shrine keepers around Europe named their own pope - Boldface the Relatively Shameless, Discount Pope of Prague. The price war was on [...] The Retail Pope would offer cheesy bacon toppings on the Host with communion and the Discount Pope would counter with topless…” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/80e/christopher-moore-353_christopher-moore_soon-a-whole-guild-of-low-priced-shrine_346750.jpg)
![“[in regards to the "Asian guy"] He was so cute - in that Final Fantasy Thirty-Seven way. What I'm saying is, the Sex Fu is strong with this one. --The Chronicles of Abby Normal” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/6fb/christopher-moore-353_christopher-moore_in-regards-to-the-asian-guy-he-was-so-cu_3012867.jpg)
![“She had a lot of nerve signing her note "Love." [...] But she did sign it that way: "Love." What did that mean? Did she mean it, or was it habit? She probably signed all of her letters with "Love." Dear Insured, We are sorry but your policy will not pay for your barium enema as it was done for…” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/56a/christopher-moore-353_bloodsucking-fiends_she-had-a-lot-of-nerve-signing-her-note_2986931.jpg)
![“[Acknowledgments] I recommend them all for further reading, but when you're finished, you may have to read several of my books and watch a lot of TV just to get stupid enough to function in the modern world again.” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/8b2/christopher-moore-353_books_acknowledgments-i-recommend-them-all-for_2779082.jpg)
![“[...]I am a romance slut, and there's nothing I can do about it. If a guy does or says something romantic, I'm all "Oh, please excuse me, kind sir, let me dial down my IQ and oh, if it would please sir, may I offer you this moist, yet helpless va-jay-jay that seems to have lost its way." -The…” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/1d9/christopher-moore-353_bite-me_i-am-a-romance-slut-and-there-s-nothing_2404580.jpg)
