“So, like, the master needed a hand, if you know what I mean, so I was like, "Oh chill, it's a stress… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Soon a whole guild of low-priced shrine keepers around Europe named their own pope - Boldface the Relatively Shameless, Discount Pope of… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“So, have you seen Flood?" she asked. "Cop?" She added "cop" with a high pop on the p, like it was a… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Not yet!" said she [Goneril], trying to roll me over and get back to smacking my bum. She honked my codpiece. You… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“I was all, "Oh, dog, Countess gonna crack open a forty of whup-ass on you now. Oh, you in the sh*t now,… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Inspector, there's no smoking allowed in here," said a uniformed officer who had been called to the scene. Cavuto waved to the… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“A hundred brilliant witticisms died suffocating on the captain's heavy glove. Thus muted, I pumped my codpiece at the duke and tried… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“[Author's Notes] As I write this, September 2002, much about the humpback song is still unknown. (Although scientists do know that it… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“[Abby to Tommy and Jody who are hugging] So I'm like, "Cold-faced killers on the clock, bitches, we don't have time for… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“My name," said Mr. Fresh. "Pardon?" Charlie stopped tying himself up. "I dress in mint green because of my first name. It's… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“[...] Y'know, the Duchess Regan is living here at the tower now? I took your advice about not talking about her boffnacity… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“[Conservation] Barring that, just yell at people randomly to stop killing whales. It could catch on. Really. ("Would you like fries with… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“She glanced over her shoulder to look at the forty-foot cabin cruiser where Captain Tarwater posed on the bow looking like an… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“I'll not have an exchange with an impudent fool." [Oswald] He's not impudent," said Jones [the puppet]. "With proper inspiration, the lad… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Careful crossing the street," Tommy called back to her as he crossed. [Jody is drunk] "Ha!" Jody said. "I am a finely… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“You first," Tommy said. They stood in the great room of their loft on either side of the futon, where the huge… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Love? Sodding, bloody, tossing, bloody, sodding, bloody love? Irrelevant, superfluous, bloody, ruddy, rotten, sodding love? What ho? Wherefore? What the f*ck? Love?” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“The next day the weather was blown out, with whitecaps frosting the entire channel across to Lanai and the coconut palms whipping… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“At the pet store he picked out two painted turtles, each about as big around as a mayonnaise-jar lid. He bought them… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Kayso, Foo finally came home and I jumped into his arms and sort of rode him to the ground with a massive… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“She gave him the wide, green-eyed expression that she would have described as I will slap you so far into next week… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“My children are monsters, Kiro thought. And I am responsible. Perhaps if I had read them the haikus of Basho when they… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Love them all," said Renoir. "That is the secret, young man. Love them all." The painter let go of his arm and shrugged. "Then,… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“I tried cutting myself to express my heartbreak over Tommy (Lord Flood) rejecting me, but OMFG it hurts like flaming fuck.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place. — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“I hope you are not here to ask me to do my bawdy business- the monkey has a nosebleed and the circus, sir, is… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“The night was crisp and the stars shone with a cold blue light like loneliness or infinity.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Abby Von Normal - And I'm like, "Don't change the subject, Kung Pao, what I want to know is if you're ready to spend… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“You can't just go around blurting out the truth like a prophet with Tourette's syndrome.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“…turning your ankle hurts like hell, even if you're a superhero.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
