Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around. — Jimmy Fallon Apprentice Copy Share Image
I haven't been on a date in awhile. I went on maybe two dates in my whole life. — Jimmy Fallon Havens Copy Share Image
I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed. — Jimmy Fallon Car Copy Share Image
I read one chapter of a book and put it down. Thank God for Kindle. — Jimmy Fallon Book Copy Share Image
A new study found that a mother's diet affects her baby's allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats. — Jimmy Fallon Allergies Copy Share Image
BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake BP account that is mocking the oil company. In response, Twitter wants BP to… — Jimmy Fallon Accounts Copy Share Image
Rick Perry said Donald Trump is unfit to be president and called for him to immediately withdraw from the race. Then he… — Jimmy Fallon President Copy Share Image
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox. — Jimmy Fallon Baseball Copy Share Image
Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don't worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen. — Jimmy Fallon Happens Copy Share Image
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, theyre all going… — Jimmy Fallon Space Copy Share Image
We have a really, really great dog. It doesn't bark. My dog almost smiles, which is weird. He's just a very happy… — Jimmy Fallon Animal Copy Share Image
My wife and I had been trying a while to have a baby. We tried a bunch of things - so we… — Jimmy Fallon Baby Copy Share Image
A group called Draft Biden 2016 has started selling bumper stickers that say 'I'm ridin' with Biden.' It's a lot better than… — Jimmy Fallon Biden Copy Share Image
In a speech in South Carolina, Donald Trump responded to criticisms from Senator Lindsey Graham by giving out Graham's personal cellphone number.… — Jimmy Fallon Carolina Copy Share Image
President Obama recently sat down with ESPN and said the NCAA should reduce the shot clock for basketball games. Then he said,… — Jimmy Fallon Ball game Copy Share Image
After a six-year battle, the Senate will vote next week to begin construction on the Keystone XL pipeline, which is an oil… — Jimmy Fallon Battle Copy Share Image
Democratic Senator Harry Reid is expected to make a full recovery after he was exercising with a resistance band that snapped, causing… — Jimmy Fallon Bad news Copy Share Image
A girl in New York whose parents were on Wife Swap is suing the show for 100-million dollars for making her look… — Jimmy Fallon Brat Copy Share Image
In a recent interview, John McCain addressed Trump's campaign rally in Arizona and said that he just quote, 'fired up the crazies.'… — Jimmy Fallon Apprentice Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney announced he will fight former heavyweight champion Evander Holyfield in a charity boxing match. You can tell that Romney is… — Jimmy Fallon Art Copy Share Image
“Troy: Why do we inflict this on ourselves? Ben: Why? I'll tell you why, 'cause the Red Sox never let you down.… — Jimmy Fallon Baseball Copy Share Image
Rachel Dolezal stepped down from her position as president of an NAACP chapter after it was revealed that she was a white… — Jimmy Fallon Black Copy Share Image
I, of course, wanted to do something with Drew Barrymore. Please. So we were reading scripts back and forth and then we… — Jimmy Fallon Fever Copy Share Image
The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my… — Jimmy Fallon Business Copy Share Image
I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists. — Jimmy Fallon Fists Copy Share Image
I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put… — Jimmy Fallon Dog Copy Share Image
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going… — Jimmy Fallon Aliens Copy Share Image
I just heard about a woman in Germany who just gave birth to a baby boy named "Jihad." Or as the TSA… — Jimmy Fallon Amtrak Copy Share Image
Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to… — Jimmy Fallon Believe Copy Share Image
Thank you... Apple, for adding a camera to the iPod Nano. Now it's just like the iPhone except it can't make calls.… — Jimmy Fallon Apples Copy Share Image
Apparently, the Obamas chose New York City because they've gotten so used to people trying to break into their house. — Jimmy Fallon Break Copy Share Image
Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports. — Jimmy Fallon Draft Copy Share Image
Joe Biden was spotted with a bruise on his face that was apparently caused by his dog. I guess they collided when… — Jimmy Fallon Balls Copy Share Image
A recent study found that people lie more when they are texting. Yeah, especially that one lie: "Sorry, just got your text! — Jimmy Fallon Education Copy Share Image
Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is… — Jimmy Fallon America Copy Share Image
