“If you have Microsoft Word, you can become a writer tonight. Just start typing!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll write something that’s 111% true. It’ll be so true that it’ll be 100% false.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My asshole smells like a paper mill. Three cheers for being a writer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my life I haven’t done anything worth writing about, but that’s OK. That’s why I write fiction.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For my books, I do everything short of writing my own reviews. Those I do tall.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can read until you’re blue in the face, but I’d recommend writing until you’re red in the face. And ass.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To be a great writer, you must be nomadic. I’d recommend the hunter/gatherer lifestyle for anybody serious about being nonsensical.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve been writing for about eleven years. I went from elfish to elephantish, and in another eleven years I hope to be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I used to be a bumper sticker kind of writer. Now I’m more developed, and my writing often takes up whole bumpers.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I should charge my bank money every time I endorse the back of a check. What is the going rate these days… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Half of what I write is garbage, but if I don’t get it down on paper it decomposes in my head. This… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a chicken story, starting from scratch, and my handwriting is chicken scratch so it’s perfect.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bestseller doesn’t necessarily mean good writer. I think it takes 10,000 book sales to make the bestseller’s list, and at about 9… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This book has nothing to do with cats. Or mice. Or self-motivation. This book is 100% 50% finished. But don’t worry, I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My writing doesn’t improve if you think it’s great, and it doesn’t lessen if you think it sucks. Likewise, you not showing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I’ll read a book and feel it was written just for me. Then I’ll flip the book over to look at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If the ink of my writing morphed into ants, would they march along with my thoughts? Would they find my work as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m writing a book, one letter at a time. After thirteen days, I just finished writing “Once upon a time.” Since it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As a thinker, and most writers would consider themselves thinkers, your competition is not only the whole world, but it’s also the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Writing is the art of remembering and forgetting. You must forget what you’ve already written, because if you’re dwelling on your old… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My advice is to write in the nude. Unless you do your writing in a public restroom, and in that case, I’d… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“All my writing is translated from Gibberish directly into Nonsense. So if my writing offends you, then don’t blame me—blame the translator.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes writing is easy. Other times it’s as hard as trying to eat a whole whale, after the whale has just eaten… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If it’s not already written, I want to write a book called, “The Art of Raw.” But instead of using my real… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Hemingway suggested you write the truest sentence you know. I say write the falsest one you don’t know. This is fiction.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Writing is hard, but I don’t want to kill myself trying to write. Not unless I’m writing a suicide note.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Most writers might as well write in invisible ink, because if what they’re writing is forgettable, it might as well be invisible… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When a writer has deep thoughts, I expect him to also have a deep voice. And if he doesn’t, he should remain… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A writer must be a lifelong reader to be good. And if you want to be a great writer, I’d suggest trying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The sign said don’t do it, so naturally I did it. Signs are always saying stuff in a silent way. Writing is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t tell me to write your story. Write your own story. If you won’t write it down, it probably isn’t worth writing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have been writing for about eleven years now. I went from elfish to elephantish, and in another eleven years, I hope… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What I like most about reading is I can read in minutes what it took the author hours to write. What I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I started writing to get women, or rather a particular woman, and I continue writing because it’s now a compulsion.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Orgasm...While You Were Out of Town.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I suggested to her that she start writing. "I can't write at all," she said. "Neither can many bestsellers," I replied. "But… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
