Witty Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 24

I didn't give a fuck until I drank Red Bull. Now I don't give a flying fuck.

— Nikhil Saluja

I never knew you could offend someone by masturbating. This couple just opened their closet and they look really pissed.

— Nikhil Saluja

SEX DRIVE, a physical craving which appears at puberty and ends at marriage

— Nikhil Saluja

With all these shit stains, shut your ass hole doesn't offend me at all

— Nikhil Saluja

The rarest sight in the world is a woman who is happy with photographs of herself.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating.

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls say no Bad girls say when? Naughty girls don't say anything, they just moan and scream a lot.

— Nikhil Saluja

I got a teenage daughter and a menopausal wife. One's getting breasts, one's getting whiskers. My life is over.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I ask to suck your boobs when I wake up, does that count as sleeping like a baby?

— Nikhil Saluja

I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

— Nikhil Saluja

Husbands are like guns ... keep one around for long enough and you're gonna want to shoot it!

— Nikhil Saluja

I read the newspaper every day just to see if there's anyone I know in the obituaries or the underwear ads.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fucked up than you think.

— Nikhil Saluja

No matter how good she looks, Some other guy is sick and tired Of putting up with her shit.

— Nikhil Saluja

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons Naughty girls unbutton…

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A process much like a cafeteria -- you carefully look over the choices, select what looks the best -- and pay…

— Nikhil Saluja

God gave us the miracle of life - sustaining water, & we turned it into Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi & Vodka. Good job, Morons.

— Nikhil Saluja

Cocks are a lot like ovens. You would rather a woman was operating it but sometimes you have to use it yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are strong... when you take your grief and teach it to smile.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A legal custom which turns a man into the captive audience of his wife;

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls wear high heels to work Bad girls wear high heels to bed Naughty girls make you wear high heels

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is when a husband can determine when his wife comes to the end of one argument and begins the next;

— Nikhil Saluja

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, Is a book in which the first chapter is written in poetry and the rest of the book is prose;

— Nikhil Saluja

Pray like it all depends on God, Work like it all depends on you..!

— Nikhil Saluja

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the BANKER says, If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the TELEPHONE GUY says, Would you like it On the table or against the wall?

— Nikhil Saluja

MIRAGE, Another, and probably more precise way, to spell marriage

— Nikhil Saluja

Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

— Nikhil Saluja

These people are harassing me badly, they said they'll cut…… if I don't pay my phone bill on time.

— Nikhil Saluja

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

— Nikhil Saluja

One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never let your Ladys mind wonder. its too little to be out on its own

— Nikhil Saluja

24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. Rehab is for quitters.

— Nikhil Saluja