Twitter Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 35

MARRIAGE, Is a book in which the first chapter is written in poetry and the rest of the book is prose;

— Nikhil Saluja

A relationship with God is the most important relationship you can have. Trust him and everything will always turn out fine.

— Nikhil Saluja

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

— Nikhil Saluja

Pray like it all depends on God, Work like it all depends on you..!

— Nikhil Saluja

Some day, you will trust me again...but for now, I'm sorry that our love had to end.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the BANKER says, If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to…

— Nikhil Saluja

I texted my girlfriend a picture of my flaccid penis. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her.

— Nikhil Saluja

The follower counts should be hidden so we can be fair and judge people only by the quality of their tweets.

— Nikhil Saluja

LUXURIES, Items which, by grand design, always cost more -- for example: a divorce decree costs more than a marriage license

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, That ceremony which makes more strange bedfellows than politics;

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate to travel. I guess it's because my father used to beat me with a globe.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't try to please people you'll fail, But you can piss them off and please yourself!

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't waste your life living in a $100,000 apartment when you can live under a $15 million dollar bridge.

— Nikhil Saluja

That little pissed off feeling you get when a girl calls you cute. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, An event which is called tying the knot -- unfortunately, the knot can be a noose;

— Nikhil Saluja

I just learned today that bacteria is not the back door of a cafeteria.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never use wet wood in your fireplace. Always let weeping logs dry.

— Nikhil Saluja

Statistically, 10% of women will find this joke offensive. The other 90% are in the kitchen, where they fucking should be!

— Nikhil Saluja

So your name is Will, But you don't call your crotch The Willderness, then what the fuck?

— Nikhil Saluja

You are true... when you admit there are times you fool yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only reason I'd ask what happen today, is to steal some ideas to tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nothing makes me feel more grown up than using Facebook for actual social networking instead of stalking my exes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVER(S), People who never get tired of each other because they are always talking about themselves;

— Nikhil Saluja

You are happy... when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing.

— Nikhil Saluja

Too MANY people ask for the truth, but too FEW can actually handle it.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl loves when you go all-in in a poker game. The woman loves when you go all-in in the bedroom.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, Something they say is blind -- it's marriage which is the real eye opener;

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I masturbate I always pretend my right hand has a British accent.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate it when I have a tweet in my head and my friends doesn't retweet it.

— Nikhil Saluja

If life hands you lemons, make lemonade; if it hands you tomatoes, make vegetable stew.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I know the person talks a lot I avoid using these words: 1) Really? 2) Please explain! 3) Hello.

— Nikhil Saluja

Kindness : I never will understand all the good that a simple smile can accomplish.

— Nikhil Saluja

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

— Nikhil Saluja

Twitter: where your boobs can never be too big, even if you're a dude.

— Nikhil Saluja