“Keep your wife happy by living in a slightly nicer house than your neighbor. And you can do this by living in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I work as a husband, but I’m also trying to get employment as a neighbor. Sugar anyone?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A porcupine has fur like a fence. That makes it a good neighbor unto itself.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be pet, like a dog, and taught to shit in my neighbor's yard. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a beard of grass. I grew it on my back, and sometimes my neighbor mows it for me. Meow!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Last night I placed a handwritten note on the front door of my neighbor’s house that said, “Sorry, we’re closed. Come back… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to what the hell your way out of your neighbor’s bedroom.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“-Hey, neighbor, is your wife free for a date today? -No, I’m taking her out this afternoon? -Great! Then you won’t mind… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
