COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have; as the right to be a king, the right to do one's neighbor,… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DISABUSE, v.t. To present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which he has deemed advantageous to embrace. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors - to dislodge the worms. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Conversation: A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
TECHNICALITY, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder. His… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
