Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MARTYR, One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“Death is a dignitary who when he comes announced is to be received with formal manifestations of respect, even by those most… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . . — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
When among the graves of thy fellows, walk with circumspection; thine own is open at thy feet. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Homicide, /n./ The slaying of one human by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“Death is a dignitary who when he comes announced is to be received with formal manifestations of respect, even by those most… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
optimism, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OPTIMISM, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“The exhilaration of battle was agreeable to him, but the sight of the dead, with their clay faces, blank eyes, and stiff… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
