“I want to buy a sports car, because I like riding bicycles. Hold on to my handlebar mustache if you value your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wanted to write “I Want” because wanting is one of the things I want most in life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life didn’t hand me lemons. Or limes. But staying with the citrus motif, it did hand me oranges. How do you like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind words spoken about them.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to live long enough to accomplish my life. Being me for a whole lifetime will be quite an accomplishment.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My philosophy on life: On a burrito, the cheese goes underneath the sour cream. Otherwise, how will it melt?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every second is a moment before the unknown. Only the now is known. Life is a continuous known unknown.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some events in your life leave a lasting impression. A thing that majorly impacted my life was the car that hit me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my name were Theodore Tiffany, my goal in life would be to meet and marry a woman named Tiffany Theodore. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The piece of junk is a piece of me. It’s a part of my family, and I can’t part with it. The… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can tell a lot about a person's character by how they do life's menial tasks. For example, I saw my neighbor… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wouldn’t mind politicians lying to me, stealing from me, or senselessly making life difficult if they didn’t try to claim they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m as deadly as a marine, when compared to marine plant life. It took lots of water, sunlight, and standing still to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The birds bark my name, and I meow theirs in return. I may be a bit mixed up about life, but not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The commodity I sell is nonsense. Condiments sold separately. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I dance for a living. At the early bird special you can find me—doing the worm.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The lunchmeat fell on the floor, and I didn’t know what to do, so I wiped it off on the bottom of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When your family dies, that’s a bummer, but that’s life. When my family dies, it’s a tragedy and the world is unbalanced… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love, like lightning, can strike anytime. That’s why I say tinfoil is not just for leftovers—it’s for channeling romance into your life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My two parents represent the single greatest influence on my life. And if my dad had been there for me, it would… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made love to a woman on a boat once. It was still on the showroom floor, but the way I rocked… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One of the things you never want to be in this life is boring. But once, sad to say, I put my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a barometer of love. Give it to the girl of your dreams, and see if she uses it to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think you know if you disappeared from my life I’d be upset, but ultimately I’d make myself a new invisible cloak,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I can’t go anywhere. Maybe I’ll try to coax my cat… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To take another person’s life for personal gain is the most selfish act imaginable. Especially when that other person is your clone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If love covered as much of the earth’s surface as the oceans, would you still urinate in your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t sleep on the left side of the bed, or the right side, because there is a third option: to not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: What is the price of love, and would you rather tally it with an abacus or an early… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Funerals, Coffins, and Death. It’s not just a way of life; it’s also for breakfast. Yes, that is the new cereal I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Everything I’ve ever done, ever thought, ever experienced, and ever felt, has led me up to this moment in my life. And… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If there were a fountain machine that dispensed destruction instead of soda, would you grab an extra large… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We can be anything we want to be in this life. And I’d like to be you. But there can’t be two… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A tree once saved my life. A posse was going to hang me, but this wise old oak would not let them.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“So that was how I spent nine months of my life. I felt like I was pregnant, except instead of giving life,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To not feel like such a “third wheel,” I rode my tricycle to the restaurant where they were having their first date.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To be surrounded by sixty people who make your life miserable is to be at a family reunion. But to be surrounded… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We couldn’t make love, unfortunately, because she was dead. I didn’t kill her, if that’s what you’re wondering. She died long before… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
