Jokes Quotes · Page 62

Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke.

— David Rees

Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs!

— Nikhil Saluja

The girl-next-door image is a sort of joke; for years, I couldnt get any roles other than as somebody dark.

— Felicity Kendal

We need to get rid of the Federal Elections Commission. It's a joke. It doesn't enforce the law.

— Russ Feingold

My mother-in-law was so mean she blinded herself just to get a free dog.

— Gary Delaney

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math.

— Tina Fey

Let's never be stupid again. WAIT! Lets always be stupid! Forever!

— Ramandeep Singh

Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around, there's show tunes and fart noises.

— Darby Stanchfield

You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or…

— Lenny Bruce

We have a new joke on the reservation: 'What is cultural deprivation?' Answer: 'Being an upper-middle class white kid living in a…

— John Fire Lame Deer

Every time I post & don't get any likes I remember what my mom used to say,i prepare this breakfast with such…

— Akbar Cullen

Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they…

— Nikhil Saluja

I do have pleasure when I'm writing. I mean, I'm aware of pleasure. And sometimes I make myself laugh, with a joke…

— Peter Schjeldahl

There's always a moment in any stand-up show I do where people are booing. They kinda boo a premise. And then I…

— Chris Rock

When I was coaching with the Patriots, the players pulled a practical joke and I said, 'Do you think I'm Charlie the…

— Bill Parcells

A lot of people are actually surprised when I do open up my mouth and smile a little bit, and crack a…

— Tim Kang

I have a basic theorem as to how I do my jokes. Growing up, I knew when to cross the line and…

— Larry the Cable Guy

Stay out of the gutter in your conversation. Foul talk defiles the man who speaks it... Don't swear. Don't profane. Avoid so-called…

— Gordon B. Hinckley

At first I had no skills in writing comedy. I didn't know what a joke was, but, as someone once told me,…

— Steve Martin

After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that…

— Aziz Ansari

There are terrific TV shows now. This is a golden age for TV humor, I think. There's an actual market there. Of…

— Dave Barry

My kind [vampires] does not surprise easily," he said. "You surprised me, this morning. I have thus used up my full quota…

— Robin McKinley

The secret of understanding poetry is to hear poetry's words as what they are: the full self's most intimate speech, half waking,…

— Jane Hirshfield

Irony ruined everything Even the best exploitation movies were never meant to be 'so bad they were good'. They were not made…

— John Waters

“Jokes don't matter… til the performance... if the performance is horrible so do and jokes.”

— Deyth Banger

The next best thing to a very good joke is a very bad one.

— Julius Charles Hare

Cartooning is about deconstruction: you gotta tear something down to make a joke.

— Berkeley Breathed

We feel that what's too far is when you make a joke and somebody gets hurt.

— Bobby Farrelly

All day my mind drifts off into fantasies and little stupid jokes.

— Jean-Pierre Jeunet

You know you're on your period when everyone around you has an attitude problem.

— Nikhil Saluja

Me jealous Hahahahahahahahaahahaahaahahahahahhahahahahaahahaahahaahah lmao

— Kevin McCarty

For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to joke that I was trying to sell out, and nobody would buy me.

— John Waters

Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't really want to tell jokes about trivia; I'd kind of rather tell jokes about things like life and death.

— David Shrigley

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got cut off? He's all right now.

— Anonymous

Even if its a white crowd, I tell my jokes for the four black people in the room, not the 100 whites.

— Gary Owen

Condoms are like women...most of the time they're pretty annoying, but you need them to get laid.

— Anonymous

When I'm telling jokes, I'm constantly in motion. I can't stand in one place.

— Eddie Griffin

I've made a lot of grown men cry with laughter, because I really am quite the joke.

— Peta Wilson