Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've always been 'ethnic friend,' without any serious moments, all jokes. — Al Madrigal Copy Share Image
My friends joke that I’m dead until I get onstage. I’m dead right now as you’re speaking to me. — Lady Gaga Copy Share Image
I ain't no joke, I used to let the mic smoke, Now I slam it when I'm done and make sure it's… — Rakim Copy Share Image
I hate when skinny girls say,omg Im so fat. If you are fat does that make me a whale? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
At the shock of a joke, everything disappears but the present moment. — Russell Simmons Copy Share Image
I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
My mom was a little weird. When I was little she would make chocolate frosting. And she'd let me lick the beaters.… — Marty Cohen Copy Share Image
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For Every0ne Here... Please Don't Lie So much...Untill Unless your Girlfriend is Rihanna N Boyfriend is Eminem, they're not gonna love the… — Raghav Singh Copy Share Image
You can be funny and say what you mean; these ideas are not mutually exclusive. Some of the best jokes came from… — Hari Kondabolu Copy Share Image
I love my babies so much that I could kiss them all day long..as a job. I could be a professional baby… — Jessica Capshaw Copy Share Image
“End of the Summer It was end of the summer And my heart was broken but i was smiling, laughing, making jokes… — Arzum Uzun Copy Share Image
...My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was. I went crazy as a… — Alan Moore Copy Share Image
Don’t you do that.” She turned away from the mirror, toward him. “Don’t you dare make a joke. It took a great… — Tessa Dare Copy Share Image
I tell you it's no joke to paint a portrait. I wonder that I am not more timid when I begin. I… — William Morris Hunt Copy Share Image
I don't find the same things funny that many other people seem to find funny. I don't really respond to sex jokes… — Nicolas Cage Copy Share Image
And writing comedy and it really taught me how to kind of like craft jokes, it sounds like weird but really focus… — Nicholas Stoller Copy Share Image
I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Sometimes when my fans come up to me, they think it's going to be entertaining, like I'm going to tell jokes or… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
The repeat run of Fawlty Towers drew bigger audiences than ever and deservedly so. Statistical surveys reveal that only the television critic… — Clive James Copy Share Image
Never upstage a man. Don't top his joke, even if you have to bite your tongue to keep from doing it. Never… — Arlene Dahl Copy Share Image
You could write a joke in the pub at lunchtime and watch it performed on television that evening. — Eric Idle Copy Share Image
What a joke! Poor little rich girl's fallen in love with the Republic's most famous criminal. — Marie Lu Copy Share Image
The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech. — Orlando Aloysius Battista Copy Share Image
Even 'Lord of the Rings' had dwarf-tossing jokes in it. It's like, 'Really?' — Peter Dinklage Copy Share Image
When I make a joke, nobody gets injured... when Congress makes a joke, it's the law. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. — David Ogilvy Copy Share Image
There's the old joke, "What's the difference between country and redneck? Well, that's three hundred dollars." — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
You know you've drank too much when you actually ask your wife to drive you home. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
How about this, you remove Funny/Model from your bio and let me be the judge of that. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Paris and Nicky Hilton? Those girls will show up to the opening of a phone book. It's like a big joke. — Rachel Perry Copy Share Image
I don't do any jokes that old. I might have maybe one or two jokes from high school that I still do. — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
“We seldom look up to the person; we usually look up to their persona.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
