There was a time when "sound as a dollar" was a description, not a joke. — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
You only get one chance at life, not two! Don't joke around with your own life. — Dohee Copy Share Image
You can't just explain a joke. Either it isn't funny, or the person just totally missed the punchline. — Cass McCombs Copy Share Image
I am getting sick and tired of people making jokes about Justin Bieber. Leave her alone. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If ugliness was measured in bricks, you would be the great wall of China. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Boss: Where were you born? Sardarji: India .. Boss: which part? Sardarji: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India . — ZhatsPrincess Copy Share Image
I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Candidates should be extremely cautious in displaying a sense of humor. If he or she tells a joke with a point, there… — Jack Germond Copy Share Image
Lully's machine, Mill's fear and Lasswitz's chaotic library can be the subject of jokes, but they exaggerate a propensity which is common:… — Jorge Luis Borges Copy Share Image
If you recall childhood, you may remember that the kids who stuck straws and cigarettes up their noses back then seemed funnier… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs; next thing you know, I'm… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
Twitter is just a great joke laboratory. You go in there and there are so many witty people that I know any… — Michael Kupperman Copy Share Image
They always prided themselves on looking youthful. “Forty’s the new thirty,” they’d joke. Until heartbreak and grief enter your life, and then… — Melina Marchetta Copy Share Image
I've told Michael Jackson jokes. If you got really technical, you could say those are jokes about child molestation. You could, if… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Great use they have, when in the hands Of one like me, who understands, Who understands the time and place, The person,… — Charles Churchill Copy Share Image
There’s only one subject for fiction or poetry or even a joke: how it is. In all the arts, the payoff is… — Robert Stone Copy Share Image
At bottom the world isn't a joke. We only joke about it to avoid an issue with someone, to let someone know… — Robert Frost Copy Share Image
Poseidon grinned. "You're doing well with those new cabins, by the way. I suppose this means I can claim all those other… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“. Despite the considerable horror they had felt when the SA men were bellowing crude anti-Semitic slogans, in retrospect the joke-tellers were… — Rudolph Herzog Copy Share Image
Will Ferrell is probably the funniest comic actor, certainly of my generation. I am a huge, huge Will Ferrell fan. I'm not… — Michael Showalter Copy Share Image
I looked into studying psychoanalysis, wrote to the governing body and was about to start the year where they psychoanalyse you, four… — Nina Conti Copy Share Image
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someones mouth while they are talking? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
As you can tell from watching the show, I'm not a strong joke writer per se. — Janeane Garofalo Copy Share Image
If I ask to suck your boobs when I wake up, does that count as sleeping like a baby? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
“We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Under the current high energy / high entropy regime, sustainable development is a joke. — James Howard Kunstler Copy Share Image
You're running to be prime minister - it's hard to be the person who makes jokes. — Ed Miliband Copy Share Image
If you live right, death is a joke to you as far as fear is concerned. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
I think things evolve into jokes. I don't generally write them down as jokes. I talk them out. — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
I think I am someone who is very interested in structure and different ways of delivering jokes. — Raphael Bob-Waksberg Copy Share Image
I'm not saying my ex-girlfriend is a slut I am just saying if everyone's cock had wings she'd be a airport. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
