Tell me that I misunderstood a joke, but don't tell me that my choice of cravat is wrong. — David Niven Copy Share Image
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...I will find you. You have my Word. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In Hollywood, it's hard to be funny, because all the big jokes are in Washington. — Rich Little Copy Share Image
Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, it's too long. — Patience Jr Kibabatoko Copy Share Image
Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Etgar means "challenge." And my family name is Keret, which means "urban." So my name is "urban challenge." My joke is, it's… — Etgar Keret Copy Share Image
Cigarettes are an instant signifier in culture. It punctuates a joke, or puts that extra zing on a punch line. I like… — Martha Plimpton Copy Share Image
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not… — Dolly Parton Copy Share Image
I've always wanted to entertain people, or make them smile, or tell a joke that would make them laugh. I don't think… — Chris Demetral Copy Share Image
I don't like people doing jokes about disabled people for no good reason, but I can still understand why they do them. — Richard Herring Copy Share Image
Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star. — Dana Carvey Copy Share Image
I think one of the funniest things about '30 Rock' is that Liz Lemon is sort of like Buster Keaton - she's… — Cristin Milioti Copy Share Image
When I need to stretch my legs, I can walk across the street to the museum and relax among the illustrations of… — Allen C. Guelzo Copy Share Image
As far as outlining is concerned, I don't outline humor. I might right down a word or two to remind myself of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It is not the most distinguished achievements that men's virtues or vices may be best discovered; but very often an action of… — Plutarch Copy Share Image
A doctor says to his patient, I have bad news and worse news. Oh dear, what's the bad news? asks the patient.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I learned all those jokes in second grade. Second grade is really where they tell you those horrific jokes, racist jokes and… — Chuck Palahniuk Copy Share Image
Writing is for stories to be read, books to be published, poems to be recited, plays to be acted, songs to be… — Frank Smith Copy Share Image
Society is so tough and expectations are so unrealistic. Could I take better care of myself? Absolutely. I joke all the time… — Jenna Lyons Copy Share Image
Not everybody should be laughing at everything at the same time. That's not even natural. My thing is to feel natural, because… — Patrice O'Neal Copy Share Image
I am so happy that I married a comedy writer. He's never not without a joke. No matter where we are. — Christa Miller Copy Share Image
I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me. — Robert Frost Copy Share Image
Even the people who do great jokes, [it's] always coming out of a very real place. — Brett Gelman Copy Share Image
If a red head guy works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny. — Philippe Falardeau Copy Share Image
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the BANKER says, If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Not all times jokes intended to make you laugh. Sometimes they intended to make you think. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When the girlfriend and I get in an argument, I begin to believe in flying saucers...and plates, pots, mugs... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
![“Even the people who do great jokes, [it's] always coming out of a very real place.” quote by Brett Gelman](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/6b4/brett-gelman-8521_comedy_even-the-people-who-do-great-jokes-it-s_755759.jpg)
