Jokes Quotes · Page 56

We actually talked about Adam Sandler during the creation of 'Trolls,' because he does know how to time jokes.

— Walt Dohrn

I stepped on a cornflake this morning...I'm a cereal killer now!

— Anonymous

30 Rock' is probably one of my favorite shows. It's just joke after joke after joke.

— Alison Brie

The joke in our family is that we can cry reading the phone book.

— Anonymous

“Everything in life is not a joke." "No, but it mostly is.”

— Allan Dare Pearce

I texted my girlfriend a picture of my flaccid penis. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her.

— Nikhil Saluja

My girlfriend's best friend's ex boyfriend's mother's insurance agent is the winner of my own lottery drawing.

— Kevin McCarty

Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy. He plays a lot of practical jokes.

— Ashley Tisdale

I do a lot of public speaking and presentations and I'll always start with a self-deprecating joke to make everybody feel comfortable…

— Warwick Davis

When I watch a comedy that's just hitting you over the head with jokes constantly, some really hit, but if they miss,…

— David Walton

I like the sound of my voice, doesn't mean it's any good but I like it. The joke is that "all good…

— Henry Rollins

Sometimes I can't think of a better way to end my day than coming home and just strumming my ukulele for a…

— Jake Shimabukuro

Listen up. You're in trouble. Word is the Capitol's furious about you showing them up in the arena. The one thing they…

— Suzanne Collins

I learnt that fame is an illusion and everything about it is just a joke. I'm far more dangerous now, because I…

— Joe Strummer

Well, there are conjoined twins in real life and we can tell a story about them so long as they're not the…

— Bobby Farrelly

You're basically on set to help the production. You're helping the actors make it make sense, or maybe you wrote something that…

— Katie Dippold

Mainstream people dislike homosexuality because they can't help concentrating on what homosexual men do to one another. And when you contemplate what…

— Quentin Crisp

Even after the Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying, with bad…

— Larry the Cable Guy

Television's contribution to family life has been an equivocal one. For while it has, indeed, kept the members of the family from…

— Marie Winn

There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the…

— Woody Allen

And usually I'm not watching the screen. I'm kind of sitting and looking off to the side, spying on people to see…

— Pete Docter

I think the serious things really are the things that make for happiness--people and things that are compatible, love… So many people…

— William Faulkner

After that [father's death] I never cried with any real conviction, nor expected much of anyone's God except indifference, nor loved deeply…

— Russell Baker

I live on a ranch in Texas and do my own thing. And I don't care what anyone has to say about…

— Kelly Clarkson

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

— Jimmy Carr

If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you asked me how I was doing, was that some kind of joke

— Anonymous

I have five boys in the family, and it's constant competition, sport, humor, and practical jokes.

— Mitt Romney

I make jokes all the time. I have a different type of sense of humor.

— Uriah Hall

My friend said to me, I like girl who smell good. I said to him, okay! you are not gay.

— Mahi

Comedy has bits, has jokes, has stories, and it has characters.

— Charlie Murphy

I think I'd be a good mother. Maybe a little overprotective. Like I would never let the kid out, of my body.

— Wendy Liebman

A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'

— Jon Stewart

So your name is Will, But you don't call your crotch The Willderness, then what the fuck?

— Nikhil Saluja

Women are like fish... neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.

— Anonymous

Like Toy Story, the joke is all about exploring the secret world of these various everyday objects.

— Seth Rogen

2013, still no flying cars instead, twitter with assholes.

— Nikhil Saluja

It devastates me now that I have been reduced to a Hollywood statistic - another joke marriage.

— Sophia Bush

To all those who said I couldn't make jokes about blind people...watch me.

— Anonymous

Don't Take It Seriously * When the TELEPHONE GUY says, Would you like it On the table or against the wall?

— Nikhil Saluja