Jokes Quotes · Page 54

All the great story lines are great practical jokes that people fall for over and over again.

— Kurt Vonnegut

A smile is nearly always inspired by another smile. :) :)

— Nikhil Saluja

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

— Dave Chappelle

BRB Have to run to the toilet, but I'll be back in two shakes of a man's penis.

— Nikhil Saluja

Teacher: 'Why didn't you do your homework?' Student; 'Sorry, but Kanye West didn't let me finish...'

— Anonymous

If you follow me & expect a follow back, please do let me know! So I can block you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yo mama is so ugly, that's not the hair on her head, that's her beard running away from her face

— Anonymous

Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio's father was a carpenter too. That's the old joke.

— Robin Williams

If people ask me about it, I think it would be great for me to be like, 'Look, [Kanye West] called me…

— Taylor Swift

“Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties:…

— Drew Carey

The whole experience of doing a sitcom is... Telling jokes with such precision is really exciting, but it's also terrifying.

— Lea Thompson

In Germany, you would be hanged if you cracked a joke about Hitler and you would be killed by the state if…

— Werner Herzog

But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you…

— Joan Rivers

It’s just what they are — they’re jokes…most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks…I can’t determine what offends another person.

— Paula Deen

Around year seven or eight, you'd kill yourself when you realized Norm had to enter and you had to come up with…

— Ted Danson

The jokes now, it's just more stories and personal experiences. And just talking about things that really happened. It's just becoming more…

— Hannibal Buress

A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke…

— Soren Kierkegaard

When it comes to African Americans and African American actors, Hollywood has always felt that if you can make us laugh, that's…

— Hill Harper

When my husband had an affair with someone else I watched his eyes glaze over when we ate dinner together and I…

— Jeanette Winterson

I think David Letterman is a genius. Night after night he is funny and smart. He seems to really enjoy his jokes.…

— Casey Affleck

“...if you think the worst you'll get the worst, but if you think the best..." "and then everything will blow up in…

— Brad Meltzer

She'd stood by that creed. No softness, because the world wasn't soft; lots of laughter, because if you were in on the…

— Connie Brockway

Probably the most difficult scene to film was the one where I'm attacked. I haven't thought about it in a while because,…

— Elizabeth Olsen

When something makes no sense, sometimes you make something of it. A joke. A spiritual practice. A life.

— Heather Sellers

Jokes might make you laugh… but sometimes those hurt you badly...

— Kailash Bhange

“Katsa, only you would consider the collapse of the ceiling a good joke.”

— Kristin Cashore

In fact, it used to be a joke if you studied at a University

— Tony Randall

Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers?

— Nikhil Saluja

My medication must be wearing off I'm starting to think my jokes are funny.

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?

— Gore Vidal

We didn't choose the joke because it's filthy! We chose it because of the structure!

— Paul Provenza

While jokes are used in completing the code of conversation, the monsters shall not know so.

— Anonymous

This isn't an office-It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

— Nikhil Saluja

A secret admirer is always cute & romantic until you find out who it is...

— Foxy

I can't stand not being able to joke around on set, so I have to.

— Johnny Depp

Mama is funny. She has a great sense of humor and loves a good joke. Loves a practical joke, too.

— Reba McEntire

Any private security is a joke in a country where youre up against your own government.

— Bidzina Ivanishvili

Yo mama is so stupid, she got stranded inside Walmart, slept on the floor and starved to death

— Anonymous

I hate it when I have a tweet in my head and my friends doesn't retweet it.

— Nikhil Saluja