Jokes Quotes · Page 52

You know, you can really get wet playing games in that new Pentium-VI dishwasher.

— Nikhil Saluja

I would make jokes about my height so that no one would first.

— Ava Michelle

She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yo mama is so dumb, she thought a fruit punch was a gay boxer

— Anonymous

Visual supervision is a joke for development workers. Visual supervision is for prisoners.

— Tom DeMarco

Hey here is a Bird Donkey pilot just sit and close your belt!

— MHDAVOODI

I'd be a great mattress salesman coz I love removing pants for no reason and spending all day looking at porn.

— Nikhil Saluja

I do like a well-written sketch with a bunch of jokes in it, and I like stand-up with good jokes in it…

— Lenny Henry

You can either just have fun with the joke or you can have fun with the joke and think about the implication…

— Reggie Watts

I'd like to speak a foreign language well enough to get the jokes. I'd like to talk with Socrates, and watch Michelangelo…

— Robert Fulghum

Sometimes in the studio movies I've been working in, you'll put a joke in a movie because the crowd loves it -…

— David Gordon Green

What incensed him the most was the blatant jokes of the ones that passed it all off as a jest, pretending to…

— James Joyce

“Why is a Christmas tree better than a man? Because it stays up, has cute balls, and looks good with the lights…

— Emily Giffin

If you are alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug,…

— Anonymous

The great joke is that a realist is an optimistic pessimist. That's very witty. Whether it's truthful or not, that I don't…

— John Hurt

[The Outsiders] was very competitive, in the best possible way. Full of love, full of companionship and fellowship, pranks and practical jokes…

— Rob Lowe

The music director, Stephen Oremus, was telling me: "I hope you've done your work." We only have ten days rehearsal. The music…

— Max von Essen

Alec," Magnus said. He put a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder; Alec was standing still, staring angrily at the floor. "Are you…

— Cassandra Clare

I think probably the best example was the year Jack Palance dropped down and gave us push-ups when he accepted his award…

— Bruce Vilanch

Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me!…

— Anonymous

My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories,…

— Stephen Colbert

I sometimes joke that I am the first writer of historical fiction who can look out his window and point to the…

— Orhan Pamuk

Ed Woolard, his mentor on the Apple board, pressed Jobs for more than two years to drop the interim in front of…

— Walter Isaacson

Modern Christians, especially those in the Western world, have generally been found wanting in the area of holiness of body. Gluttony and…

— Jerry Bridges

If I don't know what true love is, how will I ever find it?

— Nikhil Saluja

I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over.

— Norman Wisdom

I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde.

— Dolly Parton

Were it not for my little jokes, I could not bear the burdens of this office.

— Abraham Lincoln

I wish my monkey was a drug dealer like in The Hangover Part II.

— Jeremy Limn

I've never revved my car at a light for an attractive woman or an auto-rival, not even as a joke.

— Penn Jillette

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

— Don Rickles

“They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.”

— Bob Monkhouse

“The right honorable gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests, and to his imagination for his facts.”

— Richard Brinsley Sheridan

He who does not understand a joke, he does not understand Danish.

— Georg Brandes

If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.

— Bob Edwards

We're not going to have a wall [on Southern border] like now which is either non-existent or a joke.

— Donald Trump

If climbing the highest mountain on earth is the only way for him to be mine.. then I'd rather go shopping!

— Anonymous

Times change. The farmer's daughter now tells jokes about the traveling salesman.

— Carey Williams

Not to get all technical; but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution!

— Anonymous

We don't write jokes or anything, the furthest we'll go is we'll repeat certain jokes for the camera.

— David Dobrik