The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect…

I've never made a perfect speech or a perfect anything. I always think after, I should have done it that way or this way.

— Dennis Skinner

You shouldn't make jokes if it makes you so unhappy.

— Lewis Carroll

“One day you’re going to see her holding hands with someone who took your chance. She won’t even notice you because she’s too busy…

— Elisabeth Van den Abeele

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We…

— Robert Benchley

I tend to process stuff by making jokes about it. It's something that makes me annoying to be around in times of real crisis.

— Alexandra Petri

Everyone can write jokes and makes things clever.

— David Walton

Sure I do a lot of jokes about Anne Frank. But when you do those jokes, it makes people remember what happened to her.…

— Joan Rivers

“The shortest distance between two points is the line from me to you.”

— Fisher Amelie

That's the shortest red light I've ever seen! -Peach

— Finding Nemo

The shortest thing I ever had to do was at Disney. A show called 'Bonkers.'

— Jeff Bennett

Don't exchange your greatest future for some shortest pleasures of this moment.

— Terry Mark

Waiting for someone else to make you happy is the shortest way to get sad.

— Anonymous

Since kindergarten, I was the shortest kid in class. They always put me toward the front in school pictures, because you couldn't see me…

— Laurie Hernandez

“The shortest national anthem in the world is the Japanese one, which only consists of four lines.”

— Jack Goldstein

The oldest, shortest words - 'yes' and 'no' - are those which require the most thought.

— Pythagoras