Roses are red violets are blue if your parents said that you are beautiful they're lying you. — Gothsynster Copy Share Image
In some countries being president is just an honorary position --like being a husband in Hollywood. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you put yourself in environments that continually test you, that's where all the good stories come from. That's where the jokes… — Henry Rollins Copy Share Image
That annoying moment when you just want to listen to music but someone wants to constantly speak to you, making you pause… — Emanuel Sebastiao Copy Share Image
My biggest superhero of writing is Jorge Luis Borges, the Argentine fabulist. He's an amazingly perceptive writer, but also willing to make… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
“Yeah, I crack myself up a lot more than I crack anybody else up, but that is okay. At least I am… — Corey Taylor Copy Share Image
The ultimate joke was the idea that capitalism would eat its own feces in order to make money, that would make fun… — Chuck Palahniuk Copy Share Image
I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
As a kid, I was searching for my tribe of other people who saw through the matrix. Even as a kid I… — RuPaul Copy Share Image
I love the idea that we put in jokes the kids don't get. And that later, when they grow up and read… — Matt Groening Copy Share Image
You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I'm not a comedian. I'm not a show host. I'm a musician. That's why I've turned down offers to host the Grammy… — Michael Jackson Copy Share Image
Comedy is a wonderful device for distance that allows us to look at what we're talking about with some degree of distance… — Alexander Payne Copy Share Image
In Germany, people are saying, "George W. Bush is an asshole. Osama Bin Laden is an asshole." But then I make jokes… — Uwe Boll Copy Share Image
A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
Sure I do a lot of jokes about Anne Frank. But when you do those jokes, it makes people remember what happened… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I asked a thief to steal me a peach: He turned up his eyes. I asked a lithe lady to lie her… — William Blake Copy Share Image
The more repression there is, the more need there is for irreverence toward those who are responsible for that repression. But too… — Paul Krassner Copy Share Image
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Halloween: Is one night of the year when all households save the most on their electricity bill. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I feel sorry for those who don't have a sense of humor, imagine the decades they're missing on out. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,' — Carol Leifer Copy Share Image
Politician: Whoever shakes your hand before elections and your wallet after elections. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Fate seemed to be playing a series of extraordinarily unamusing jokes. — George Orwell Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage. — Kathleen Madigan Copy Share Image
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece: Gently aging, but still a warmand desirable place to visit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it? — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Too many lives go up in smoke - It's nice to laugh but don't be the joke. — Janet Jackson Copy Share Image
I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it. — Monica Piper Copy Share Image
