“Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Call me Meier," Goring said, but he did not pause to explain the joke . — Philip Jose Farmer Copy Share Image
I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don't want to get audited by the IRS. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Jokes are always better than promises. Because jokes are half meant, while promises are half lies. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes. — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
There were many times when I kept silent about being Jewish as I got older, when Jewish jokes were told. — William Shatner Copy Share Image
Tell people the truth, they laugh. The truth is so tragic they have to pretend it's a joke. — Lucille Kallen Copy Share Image
I think my sense of humor is really dark and super twisted and stuff like that. It's like, "Is this a funny… — Kanye West Copy Share Image
Whether people grow fat by joking, or whether there is something in fat itself which predisposes to a joke, I have never… — Edgar Allan Poe Copy Share Image
Arguing with a teenager is like wrestling in the mud with a pig...sooner or later you realise that they enjoy it! — Simi Ngr Copy Share Image
I don't think I would be a good politician. I kid about it when I get a standing ovation. Sometimes I'll say,… — Liberace Copy Share Image
“Our world will not die as a result of the bomb, as the papers say, it will die of laughter, of banality, of making… — Carlos Ruiz Zafon Copy Share Image
As comedians, we are all laughing because life is so horrible. Life is so difficult, and I cope with it by making… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
A woman came to ask the doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, 'Thirty-five children is enough for… — Gracie Allen Copy Share Image
I always make this joke that I know you were expecting to see the big skirts and the hoops. But that was… — Jody Watley Copy Share Image
“And so the twins had remained virgins. Julia and Valentina watched all of their high school and college friends disappear one by… — Audrey Niffenegger Copy Share Image
Cable news is 24 hours long so you have to fill it up with something. No, the Muppets are not communist. And… — James Bobin Copy Share Image
“Old Tom giggled, "Fooled ya, huh, Ma? We aimed to fool ya, and we done it. Jus' stood there like a hammered… — John Steinbeck Copy Share Image
We might adapt for the artist the joke about there being nothing more dangerous than instruments of war in the hands of… — Pablo Picasso Copy Share Image
Todd Glass has amazing energy on stage. Dave Attell is one of my favorites because he's a one liner comic who is… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Then when we did the untitled record, we just didn't feel like putting joke stuff on it, so we didn't. It wasn't… — Mark Hoppus Copy Share Image
If American politics does not look to you like a joke, a tragic dance; if you have enough blindness left in you,… — John Jay Chapman Copy Share Image
I love telling stories, telling jokes, making people laugh. I've got no plans to stop doing it. — David Alan Basche Copy Share Image
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I scream, you scream, both of us scream because we are being murdered while eating ice cream. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It would be a bitter cosmic joke if we destroy ourselves due to atrophy of the imagination. — Martha Gellhorn Copy Share Image
I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I just need a search engine that'll remember exactly what I was about to Google when I forget. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've always wondered, what am I going to do that's important with these stupid jokes that I tell. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about new friendships is to try to figure out the boundary for jokes — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
