I make jokes because humor is the greatest healing factor that there is. — Dick Dale Copy Share Image
I got expelled from school on pajama day…But its not my fault I sleep naked. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's no harm in talking to yourself, but try to avoid telling yourself jokes you've heard before. — Ashleigh Brilliant Copy Share Image
If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father. — Mary Todd Lincoln Copy Share Image
I've never had a proper job. I do jokes about not knowing the value of money, about having a famous dad. — Tom Rosenthal Copy Share Image
Just because you say Swag in every other sentence doesn't mean you have it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The world is a very serious and, at times, very sad place - but at other times it is all such a… — George Harrison Copy Share Image
Real racist jokes or sexist jokes aren't funny - not because they're offensive, but because they're not true. As soon as a… — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
And the look on her face as she opened the door Was like an old joke told by a friend. It'd taken… — Harry Chapin Copy Share Image
I've always been a jokester. The things I got in trouble for, when I was little, was always about making a joke… — Will Smith Copy Share Image
Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just… — Betty White Copy Share Image
English doctors have killed 3/4 of my friends & the joke is the remaining 1/4 go on recommending them, so odd is human nature. — Nancy Mitford Copy Share Image
I've always felt that a really good joke, a really good one-liner, is a really good line of poetry. It's imagistic, it's… — Kate Clinton Copy Share Image
if she had ordered me to throw myself down then, I would have done it! If she had said it only as… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In black neighborhoods, everybody appreciated comedy about real life. In the white community, fantasy was funnier. I started looking for the jokes… — Will Smith Copy Share Image
Surfing is kind of a good metaphor for the rest of life. The extremely good stuff - chocolate and great sex and… — Jaimal Yogis Copy Share Image
I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I've found great virtue in two-thirds of the way into the message; right before I'm really want to nail home a point,… — Max Lucado Copy Share Image
On the Internet, Spencer Hall at Everyday Should Be Saturday is the best writer in the universe. He's very funny. They're jokes… — Drew Magary Copy Share Image
I'm like a bumper car. When I did an infomercial I was fodder for every TV comedy show. I couldn't get a… — Cher Copy Share Image
I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience.… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
I like to talk about very different topics. I like to jump around a lot because I don't want people to come… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
When you're young and you first see the extent and depth of the world's hypocrisy, it's fun to go after it. But… — Harold Ramis Copy Share Image
I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh. — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
The joke in aviation is, 'If you want to make a million, you'd better start with £10m.' — Bruce Dickinson Copy Share Image
The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod? — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“in this society, things you’d think could only be bad jokes actually happen all the time.” — Banana Yoshimoto Copy Share Image
There is no 'magic water' that you can rub on a script to make the jokes funnier. — Graham Linehan Copy Share Image
Because, as we are told—a sad old joke, too— Ghosts, like the ladies, never speak till spoke to. — Bill Vaughan Copy Share Image
I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes. — John Oliver Copy Share Image
A woman never knows what she really wants until she finds out what her husband cannot afford. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What's worse than a bull in a china shop? A hedgehog in a condom factory. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
