Actually, I've been making jokes about the little bones in my hands; they can't handle my own power. — Raquel Pennington Copy Share Image
I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes. — Rainn Wilson Copy Share Image
“I decided then and there never to become someone who told jokes when explanations were impossible.” — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
My background is part of my comedy. Your experiences are where the jokes come from. — Charlie Murphy Copy Share Image
He'll never be better than he is on the first date. Unless he's rich and hasn't told you yet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't like the pressure to try to tell the best jokes. I'm not good at jokes. — Will Forte Copy Share Image
I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
As for pictures and museums, that don't trouble me. The worst of going abroad is that you've always got to look at… — Margaret Oliphant Copy Share Image
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
In Israel, waves of anger and fear circulate all the time, but so do jokes and gossip and silky evening breezes. So,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Today is Veterans Day. Thank you to all our men and women who have served the United States armed forces. In honor… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin uses me as a laugh line in her stump speeches. If you're willing to turn me into a joke, you… — Rachel Maddow Copy Share Image
If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Almost anything makes me laugh, especially jokes at my own expense. And I will never, ever admit to being ticklish anywhere. — Judd Nelson Copy Share Image
The reason of idleness and of crime is the deferring of our hopes. Whilst we are waiting, we beguile the time with… — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
There are elements of that, where you'll see a scene again and you'll recognize it, but I wouldn't say it's got one… — Mitchell Hurwitz Copy Share Image
I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
One day... A nude guy was sunbathing on a beach... He has no clothes at all and there came this little girl… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They have what you call a black night where they have black people come in for just one night only to watch… — Mike Epps Copy Share Image
The difficulty in the way of writing a children's play is that Barrie was born too soon. Many people must have felt… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm really going off of watching John Waters speak one time and I remember he just kind of talked and it was… — Kathleen Hanna Copy Share Image
There is a sensuousness to language, there's a pace to it. There's a deliciousness to it. I do have pleasure when I'm… — Jonathan Santlofer Copy Share Image
My general approach to writing fiction is that you try to have as few conceptual notions as possible and you just respond… — George Saunders Copy Share Image
I'm well aware when i've to use suck me or fuck me. Yea I'm classy like that! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke. — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share Image
People have lost their sense of humor. In former times, we constantly made jokes about different races. — Clint Eastwood Copy Share Image
Happy April 1st everyone! May your day be filled with obnoxious practical jokes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If people get their feelings hurt from jokes, then they are too delicate to be in society. — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
“Please believe me. I've nothing against you personally. It's just that I laugh at all jokes.” — Fakeer Ishavardas Copy Share Image
I've got foundation jokes, the ones that got me where I am, so everything I do just builds on top of that. — Gabriel Iglesias Copy Share Image
“It was a joke to the extent in the context of the views that speech.” — Herman Cain Copy Share Image
My family joke that I'm really a very senior person who accidentally happens to be 11. — Adora Svitak Copy Share Image
There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
