For the amount of talent I had (and I couldn't dance, act, or tell a joke) I enjoyed a tremendous career. — Perry Como Copy Share Image
“We seldom look up to the person; we usually look up to their persona.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Is anything wrong, dear? the old joke went. No, why? You moved. Just don't move. — Margaret Atwood Copy Share Image
I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
When I make a joke, nobody gets injured... when Congress makes a joke, it's the law. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
I am a super-confident writer, and as a joke writer and as an actress, I'm like, 'I want to go head-to-head with… — Mindy Kaling Copy Share Image
I might do cartoonish sexual jokes, but it's my way of saying what's going on in the world. How people are animals,… — Andrew Dice Clay Copy Share Image
Why do porn sites have a Share To Facebook button??? Who watches porn and thinks, You kno who would really enjoy this????… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
I'm not a big one for jokes. I can't tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand… — Don Rickles Copy Share Image
The Muppets are no joke. They are for real. Each one has an agent and manager and all that stuff. I'm not… — Terry Crews Copy Share Image
You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when… — John Oliver Copy Share Image
If we have injured someone, giving him the opportunity to make a joke about us is often enough to provide him personal… — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
Million dollar idea for a sci-fic movie: A world just like ours but with one key difference. When your phone dies, YOU… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They mustn't know my despair, I can't let them see the wounds which they have caused, I couldn't bear their sympathy and… — Anne Frank Copy Share Image
It's so funny that people think I actually ran for President. I am maybe the most un-political person you're ever going to… — Alice Cooper Copy Share Image
You know lots of criticism is written by characters who are very academic and think it is a sign you are worthless… — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
I'm fascinated by mankind. I grew up watching 'Candid Camera' and thought it was funnier than any standup, any joke, anything that… — Howie Mandel Copy Share Image
The only basis for even talking about global warming is the predictions spewed out by computer models. The only quote/unquote "evidence" of… — Rush Limbaugh Copy Share Image
Boy: Hi Girl: What? Boy: How are you? Girl: Do I know you? Boy: I'm rich.. Girl: Oh! Hi. My name is… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Listen. Look. Desire is a house. Desire needs closed space. Desire runs out of doors or windows, or slats or pinpricks, it… — Aimee Bender Copy Share Image
Listen: People are always saying, 'Rickey says Rickey.' But it's been blown way out of proportion. People might catch me, when they… — Rickey Henderson Copy Share Image
Even 'Lord of the Rings' had dwarf-tossing jokes in it. It's like, 'Really?' — Peter Dinklage Copy Share Image
I don't do any jokes that old. I might have maybe one or two jokes from high school that I still do. — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
Paris and Nicky Hilton? Those girls will show up to the opening of a phone book. It's like a big joke. — Rachel Perry Copy Share Image
You know you've drank too much when you actually ask your wife to drive you home. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
How about this, you remove Funny/Model from your bio and let me be the judge of that. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There's the old joke, "What's the difference between country and redneck? Well, that's three hundred dollars." — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. — David Ogilvy Copy Share Image
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Family jokes, through rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive. — Stella Benson Copy Share Image
Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke. — David Rees Copy Share Image
Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm sure we, the American people, are the butt of jokes by those in power. — Alice Walker Copy Share Image
