All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was… — Tallulah Bankhead Copy Share Image
Playing on stereotypes was meant to be humorous. If it doesn't tickle you in certain spots, it's not going to be funny.… — Manila Luzon Copy Share Image
The male - I have found - is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to… — Jilly Cooper Copy Share Image
It is great fun dying in the United States of America. It is great fun first of all for the undertakers who… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“Still trying to save the world?” “Always,” I said, “and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s working. The world is still here.” — Nicole Williams Copy Share Image
“Most sane human beings who are over the age of six usually act or react not as per what they genuinely feel… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I guess the more serious you play something, if the context is funny, then it will be funny and it doesn't really… — Jesse Eisenberg Copy Share Image
Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you… — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
When we got off the streetcar at Times Square, it was somewhat of a letdown. Newspapers were blowing about the road and… — Charlie Chaplin Copy Share Image
“Damn, Marcus, how much have you been working out? You have the ass of a god. He turned to face her, and… — Caris Roane Copy Share Image
“Most people do not mind having a house that is smaller and/or a car that is cheaper than their neighbours’, as long… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“If we were not impressed by job titles, suits, and jargon, we would demand that financial advisors show us their personal bank… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
It looked something like a pen wiper and something like a piece of hearth-rug. A second and keener inspection revealed it as… — P. G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
“You think everyone pervs you."... "That's cos they do, and you're just jealous, cos I'm gorgeous and you're not." ~ conversation between… — Marita A. Hansen Copy Share Image
“What's with that?” Butters screamed, his voice high and frightened. “Just covering his head with his arms? Didn't he see the lawyer… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
“Hat head is a sad affliction wherein the chosen hat and the selected hairstyle are grossly incompatible. The unfortunate combination results in… — Stephanie Pearl-McPhee Copy Share Image
“Felicity was horrible and snide, but then Felicity had been a repulsive earwig ever since she first grew a vocabulary.” — Gail Carriger Copy Share Image
“I've had quite enough danger for a while I think. I might have some more when I'm thirteen, but definitely not before… — Joshua Donellan Copy Share Image
“Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the… — Guillermo del Toro Copy Share Image
“The worst imaginable thing happens to our protagonists: they have a son who grows up to become Dennis Hopper. (“Giantess”)” — Rebecca Solnit Copy Share Image
“She stops chewing and brings the chains on her wrist up to her nose and sniffs. She pulls away with a mild… — J.A. Redmerski Copy Share Image
The first time I passed through the country (Switzerland) I had the impression it was swept down with a broom from one… — Ernesto Sabato Copy Share Image
A unit of documentation. There are always three or more on a given item. One is on the shelf; someone has the… — Raymond Simard Copy Share Image
Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
“Sophronia felt bound to object. "I, for one, should prefer not to shoot at someone I like." "Admirable scruples, Miss Temminnick. Get… — Gail Carriger Copy Share Image
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Seduced, shaggy Samson snored. She scissored short. Sorely shorn, Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed, Silently scheming, Sightlessly seeking Some savage, spectacular suicide. — Stanislaw Lem Copy Share Image
“It's Salvation. When Jen told me I had a vision. A vision Rena. I think I saw the blessed mother smiling and… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks… — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
“And there you sit, gloating over what you have done, as if you were a martyr or a public benefactor -- as… — Hope Mirrlees Copy Share Image
“Occupation: Writer Occupational Hazard: Carpel tunnel Solution: Wrist guards to bed or my hands do all the sleeping Perspective: I've decided my… — Christy Hall Copy Share Image
Elsewhere in Italy is the lovely city of Venice, which each year attracts millions of visitors despite the fact that it is… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: passive systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and active systems collect the sunlight… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of,… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“Anna gave her that disjointed look with which so many people regarded Hannah, as if they has fallen too many words behind… — Laura L. Sullivan Copy Share Image
By the way, did you ever realize that if Moses would have turned right instead of left, we'd have had the oil,… — Golda Meir Copy Share Image
Into love and out again, Thus I went and thus I go. Spare your voice, and hold your pen: Well and bitterly… — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
“Borman's dumping urine. Urine [in] approximately one minute." Two lines further along, we see Lovell saying, "What a sight to behold!” — Mary Roach Copy Share Image
In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
![“It's Salvation. When Jen told me I had a vision. A vision Rena. I think I saw the blessed mother smiling and she was hold ing a loofa. [In regards to moving out of dorms and having three bathrooms between 4 roomates]” quote by Nora Roberts](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/28e/nora-roberts-128_blessed-mother_it-s-salvation-when-jen-told-me-i-had-a_1619427.jpg)
![“Borman's dumping urine. Urine [in] approximately one minute." Two lines further along, we see Lovell saying, "What a sight to behold!” quote by Mary Roach](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/d06/mary-roach-635_humorous_borman-s-dumping-urine-urine-in-approxim_1888165.png)
