As I may or may not say to the Lord on Judgment Day, "You ask a lot of questions for someone who… — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
In foreign countries such as Italy, the government puts strict-looking speed limit signs everywhere, but nobody ever sees them because light does… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
There, in the middle of this mall is the Washington Monument, 555 feet high. But if we put a one in front… — Louis Farrakhan Copy Share Image
“He thought moving to a small town would allow him to find a way to get along to some extent but people… — Christine Feehan Copy Share Image
“When selecting a one-night stand, a heterosexual woman who is materialistic is a trillion times more likely to choose a sexually unattractive… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“All of us and perhaps all of you read in childhood, while in school, that greatest of all monuments of ancient literature,… — Yevgeny Zamyatin Copy Share Image
“I stamped, certified, and lipsticked my life in a package sent through Priority Mail directly to the devil herself...and there's no turning… — Amy Holder Copy Share Image
The humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds that hold the Cosmos together. Their top-heavy dignity… — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
And yet the motives of women are so inscrutable. You remember the woman at Margate whom I suspected for the same reason.… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
His wardrobe was extensive--very extensive--not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“Tell me, Mr. Bennet, how can we amuse you during your visit? Do you hunt?” Lady Catherine was spooning her turtle soup,… — Karen V. Wasylowski Copy Share Image
I write for kids because I think the most interesting (and most humorous) stories come from people's childhoods. When I was writing… — Jeff Kinney Copy Share Image
There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
What we're going for, in those humorous moments, is the absurdity of it all. The craziness of the night manager offering them… — Remi Aubuchon Copy Share Image
Gold, n.: A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then… — Mike Harding Copy Share Image
“... Kenny G is extremely talented and resourceful and a powerful force to be reckoned with ... Mr. G might not seem… — Matthew Quick Copy Share Image
It has long been recognized by public men of all kinds. . . that statistics come under the head of lying, and… — Hilaire Belloc Copy Share Image
For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I'll grant the random access to my heart, Thoul't tell me all the constants of thy love; And so we two shall… — Stanislaw Lem Copy Share Image
“Romantic love has its place but to define relationship solely in romantic terms is like describing marriage only by what a couple… — Dermot Davis Copy Share Image
“Trust me. You’re a constant riddle with an ever-changing solution." ~ FBI Special Agent Clive Poole to Maggie Mae Castro” — Beth Yarnall Copy Share Image
If you are writing about baloney, don't try and make it Cornish hen, because that's the worst kind of baloney there is.… — Leo Burnett Copy Share Image
“So we waited. I felt useless. I felt like I was in the way. I wished I had some nervous habits so… — Moira J. Moore Copy Share Image
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
If a child shows himself incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to… — Don Marquis Copy Share Image
“ Aw, kiss him, Gwen, clamored a hundred perky eggs. Shut up, she rebuked. We don't even know him, and until moments… — Karen Marie Moning Copy Share Image
“ Why does everything have to be so hard? [Eragon] wondered. Because , said Saphira, everyone wants to eat, but no one… — Christopher Paolini Copy Share Image
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as… — Brian Kernighan Copy Share Image
When men lose against me, they always have a headache ... or things of that kind. I have never beaten a completely… — Susan Polgar Copy Share Image
England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I recalled thinking...His freakishly tidy side could be a problem. To say that neatness was not my strong suit would be a… — Betsy Cook Speer Copy Share Image
The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I like stories about supervillains. They teach children that you can accomplish great things even when the whole world is against you.” — G.D. Falksen Copy Share Image
Always enter like a kitten and leave like a lion. But NEVER enter like a lion and leave like a kitten. Always… — Carlson Gracie Copy Share Image
I don't want to have a bad influence on anybody, but there's no point in my giving up cigarettes now. I won't… — Golda Meir Copy Share Image
When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
I try to sing many different kinds of songs. If I sing a batch of humorous songs, I'll throw in a deadly… — Pete Seeger Copy Share Image
![“Why does everything have to be so hard? [Eragon] wondered. Because , said Saphira, everyone wants to eat, but no one wants to be eaten.” quote by Christopher Paolini](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/2f4/christopher-paolini-622_food_why-does-everything-have-to-be-so-hard-e_2479511.png)
