“On March 5th, I'm having my birthday celebration. The party starts at midnight, and ends at 12:01 AM. Don't be late!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Can you ever really say you know anybody—your clone included? Still, if my clone’s birthday were coming up, I’d only shop Buy… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was nine minutes late for my last birthday party. And I was nine months on time for my first birthday.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At my last birthday party I had fun and really let myself go. Literally. I opened the cages where I keep my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Take me to Happy Birthday Land. It’s open 364 days of the year, and the one day of the year it’s closed… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The event happened on my birthday. I don’t remember the date, I only know it was my birthday because there was no… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For your birthday, I got you a box. Hooray! It’s empty, so you can fill it with whatever you want.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am intergenerational. I am not defined by my birthday like I am a generic blade in a generational clump of grass. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, because I don’t like taking credit for others’ work—in this case, my mom and dad.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Do you need some birthday dick? I once got dick for my birthday—my first birthday, in fact. That’s how they knew I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“How many birthdays can you fit in your lifetime? If you answered "All of them," you should have your genitals ripped out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Birthdays: without them we'd be immortal. But just because you're not immortal, doesn't mean you can't be immature indefinitely.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My niece just turned one. I gave her a birthday card that read, "If you can read this, Happy Birthday!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m like a tree frog when it comes to birthdays. Basically, my thoughts on birthdays can be summed up in two words:… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Jarod Kintz Day—it’s not just my birthday, but it should be a holiday that’s mandatory to celebrate, punishable by death if you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
