Laughing Quote by Thom Yorke

Once, I was on a plane with my daughter Maude. She was screaming and screaming for a very long time. And a someone came…

— Leslie Mann

“That being said, getting thrown to crash into, and sometimes through, solid objects was becoming a disturbingly common occurrence in my life as of…

— Rick Gualtieri

Was riding on my horse and my foot got stuck so the cashier person had to come and unplug it and my horse died…

— Anonymous

So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No.…

— Chic Murray

I'd just gotten a new car and it ran out of gas, so I was stranded in the middle of Hollywood. I called this…

— Alison Brie

“Promise me...that you'll...*cough*...you'll dispose of my body in the waste receptacles...conveniently located by the theater exits...”

— Rich Burlew

The other day, I was so desperate for a beer, I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.

— Homer

I hung up the phone, jubilant, and threw myself into a wall, then pretended to be getting electrocuted. I do this when I'm very…

— Dave Eggers

In high school, I stole a six-foot submarine sandwich from a banquet room in front of several hundred people. I did it because I…

— Greg van Eekhout

I had a press conference and I fell down on stage! Because I was in a skirt, dude. And there was this genius on…

— Zoya Akhtar

I was going to some fabulous party, and my taxi got stuck in traffic, and I looked out the window, and I saw a…

— Jeannette Walls

I went to the entrance to the restroom, where the hallway did a sharp bend so nobody could peek into the girls' pee-palace.

— Lilith Saintcrow