Deep thought Quote by Jack Handey

“To me, there's no better symbol for the world than a grasshopper lying dead on a gravel road, and maybe there's a globe lying next to him.” quote by Jack Handey — Download Open image

“To me, there's no better symbol for the world than a grasshopper lying dead on a gravel road, and maybe there's a globe lying next to him.”

Jack Handey

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 3.7 out of 5 (4 ratings)

Deep thought Globes Grasshoppers Gravel Lying Next Symbols World

More by Jack Handey

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

Jack Handey

Image

I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down and explained that business hadn't been good at Dad's store, so we couldn't afford a turkey. We had vegetables and bread and pie, and it was just fine. Later on, I went into Mom and Dad's…

Jack Handey

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you…

Jack Handey

Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

Jack Handey

Image

I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

Jack Handey

Image

It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…

Jack Handey

Image

Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!

Jack Handey

I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out west and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is…

Jack Handey

Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…

Jack Handey

Image

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…

Jack Handey

Image

Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.

Jack Handey

Image

When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.

Jack Handey

Image

Explore all 358 Jack Handey quotes

More Deep thought quotes

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

Jack Handey

Image

I had always assumed that the right way to do it was to these engineers, put them in offices by themselves with doors that…

Eric Schmidt

Image

The amount you give isn't important. What matters is what that amount represents in terms of your life.

Jim Rohn

Image

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing…

Anonymous

Image

I never knew an early-rising, hard-working, prudent man, careful of his earnings, and strictly honest who complained of bad luck.

Henry Ward Beecher

Image

The biggest battle in life is with yourself

Dennis Prager

Image

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you…

Jack Handey

Be bold in your caring, and be bold in your dreaming.

George H. W. Bush

Image

Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

Jack Handey

Image

I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

Jack Handey

Image

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when someone kills someone for money, or something like that. Another…

Anonymous

It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…

Jack Handey

Image

Browse all 676 Deep thought quotes

Deep thought Quote by Jack Handey

Related quotes

More by Jack Handey

More Deep thought quotes