Blow job Quote by Eugene Mirman

“Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job. (You're totally welcome, guys. P.S. Girls can't see this sentence!!!!!)” quote by Eugene Mirman — Download Open image

““Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job. (You're totally welcome, guys. P.S. Girls can't see this sentence!!!!!)””

Eugene Mirman

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I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like…

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What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

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People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with…

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One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your…

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I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

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“This book is a guide to living life the right way, like the Bible is for crazies and weak people (JK, bro), this book…

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In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions?…

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Of course, to avoid getting stuck in that convo with someone you dislike or feel uncomfortable around, don't be passive, be proactive. Do not let them direct your interaction on their terms, do it on yours. Ask a Misdirection Question--something too difficult to answer quickly--e.g., 'What's Congress up to?' or 'You ever learn any cool science?' When you ask the…

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Imagine the wars we would've avoided if prior generations had a website where they could debate tragedy and politics in terse sentences?

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You can do anything you want, as long as it works.

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For a short period of time, I was like, I have these jokes and if people get them, they get them. And then eventually,…

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More Blow job quotes

“But beneath them all, at the very bottom of the stack, is a worn and slightly tattered magazine called African Mamas Sucking Hog. I…

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“Bitch, have you been getting collagen in those lips? You look like you gave a blow job to a Hoover attachment.”

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“Of course, a blow job given in friendship isn't the most arousing, but it stays in the memory longer.”

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“Life ain't all blow jobs and ice cream. Sometimes it's a shit sandwich and a kick in the nuts.”

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“Jesus, Martin, what the hell do I pay you for?” “My good looks, the occasional blow job, and my constant supply of Jim Beam.”…

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When I was meeting people in L.A., guys always thought if they paid for dinner, they deserved a blow job. But generally, I'll say…

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“She’s calling our house. What ten-year-old girl needs to call a boy’s house? A slutty ten-year-old girl, that’s who. She’s got her sights on…

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Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?

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“It was on the table when I got here," Matt said in his defense. Josh eyed the open magazine. "You don't already know how to satisfy your boyfriends in bed?" Matt ignored this. "Did either of you know there's ninety-nine ways to give a blow job? That's ninety-nine nights of blow jobs." "Look at you with the math skills," Josh…

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“Calm down, calm down. Deep breath,” Colleen whispered. “It's showtime. He's a nice guy, you're a nice woman.” “Hey, Paulie,” Bryce said as he loped over to Paulie's car. “Everything okay here? Our window just broke.” Paulie inhaled audibly, her breath hitching in her throat. “Oh! Wow. Hi. Your eyes are so...so...blue.” Colleen winced. “Stop that.” “Stop that,” echoed Paulie.…

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“It doesn’t matter anyway!” Patrick couldn’t sit down. He couldn’t. “It’s not like sex is anything to shout about! It’s icky, and the guy never wants to wear a condom, and I have to give a frickin’ health and safety lesson every time I give a blow job because they think I’m stupid, and I know you can get shit…

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“He's just pissed because he's been married for so fucking long, he can't remember what a blow job feels like," Matt says, earning a glare from Isaac. "I don't know that being married has anything to do with it," Pop says and stuffs some Doritos into his mouth. "Your mom and I have been married for almost forty years, and…

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Blow job Quote by Eugene Mirman

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