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Witty Quotes by Billy Connolly
- Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
- When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?
- My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
- I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
More Witty Quotes
- Under every stone lurks a politician. — Aristophanes
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- Wit is educated insolence. — Aristotle
- The gods too are fond of a joke. — Aristotle
- It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims. — Aristotle
- Democracy arises out of the notion that those who are equal in any respect are equal in all respects; because men are… — Aristotle
- If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me. — Wystan Hugh Auden
- O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. — Saint Augustine
- Give me chastity and continence, but not yet. — Saint Augustine
- One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty. — Jane Austen
- Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. — Richard Bach
- If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. — Tallulah Bankhead