Witty Quotes

2578 quotes by 687 authors

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. — Jerry Seinfeld
Better a witty fool than a foolish wit. — William Shakespeare
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. — Charles M. Schulz
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. — Charles M. Schulz
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more… — Charles M. Schulz
Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. If makes it feel needed. — Charles M. Schulz
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask why me? Then a voice answers nothing personal, your name just happened to come up. — Charles M. Schulz
You're a good man, Charlie Brown. — Charles M. Schulz
That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another. — Charles M. Schulz
There is no problem so big it cannot be run away from. — Charles M. Schulz
There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker. — Charles M. Schulz
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem? — Arnold Schwarzenegger
It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat. — Arnold Schwarzenegger
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun. — Arnold Schwarzenegger
Everything deep is also simple and can be reproduced simply as long as its reference to the whole truth is maintained. But what matters is… — Albert Schweitzer
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. — Jerry Seinfeld
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. — Jerry Seinfeld
I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the… — Jerry Seinfeld
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all… — Jerry Seinfeld
My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony. — Maurice Sendak

Who Wrote These Witty Quotes

687 authors contributed a total of 2,578 Witty Quotes, led by these top contributors: