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Time Quotes by Jack Handey
- It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you…
- I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the…
- Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been…
- To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time…
- The old pool shooter has won many a game in his life. But now it was time to hang up the cue. When he did…
- If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
- Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun? It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people…
- Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside,…
- I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb…
- I wish I lived on a planet that had two suns-regular sun and "rogue" sun. That way, when somebody asked me what time it was,…
- To me, truth is not some vague, foggy notion. Truth is real. And, at the same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and everything in between,…
- If you're traveling in a time machine, and you're eating corn on the cob, I don't think it's going to affect things one way or…
- I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
- I remember how, in college, I got that part-time job as a circus clown, and how the children would laugh and laugh at me. I…
- The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a…
- When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
- I think it's high time we started questioning the old cliches like "Grunt big for Daddy."
- I think one reason I could be a good playboy is I would be willing to spend the time required to really fix up my…
More Time Quotes
- No punishment has ever possessed enough power of deterrence to prevent the commission of crimes. On the contrary, whatever the punishment, once… — Hannah Arendt
- As far as we are concerned, we are ready to leave today, tomorrow, at any time, to join the people of Haiti,… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- The first time Haiti had free and fair democratic elections was 1990, when I was elected. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and… — Aristotle
- I feel like obviously the standard for what TV looks like changes all the time. — J. J. Abrams
- For one swallow does not make a summer, nor does one day; and so too one day, or a short time, does… — Aristotle
- The young are permanently in a state resembling intoxication. — Aristotle
- We praise a man who feels angry on the right grounds and against the right persons and also in the right manner… — Aristotle