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Sometimes Quotes by Jack Handey
- I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a cave and because…
- Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been…
- Sometimes when I'm driving behind a big cement truck, I think of how the valve on the truck could suddenly open, spilling cement over my…
- Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring…
- Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the…
- Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname "Fly Head". Normally,…
- As the light changed from red to greeen to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more…
- Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you.
- Sometimes I think the so-called experts actually ARE experts.
- Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.
- Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I…
- Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were…
- Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
- Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?"
- One thing that makes me believe in UFOs is, sometimes I lose stuff.
- Sometimes I wish Marta were more loyal to me. Like the other day. The car parked next to ours had a real dirty windshield; so…
- Sometimes I wonder if I'm sexy enough. When I walk into a singles bar with my "fashionable" shirt, "fashionable" slacks, and a big new rubber…
- Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers…
More Sometimes Quotes
- Sometimes people who want to understand Haiti from a political perspective may be missing part of the picture. They also need to… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- I write the paragraph, then I'm crossing out, changing words, trying to improve it. When it seems more or less OK, then… — Paul Auster
- Compassion is not a popular virtue. Very often when I talk to religious people, and mention how important it is that compassion… — Karen Armstrong
- People still question my sobriety, my commitment to the program, and that hurts. I take things day by day, and sometimes I… — Tom Arnold
- It's risky in a marriage for a man to come home too late, but it can sometimes pose an even greater risk… — Marcel Achard
- We get information in the mail, the regular postal mail, encrypted or not, vet it like a regular news organization, format it… — Julian Assange
- Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just… — Dave Attell
- The damage done in one year can sometimes take ten or twenty years to repair. — Chinua Achebe