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More Quotes by George Carlin

George Carlin has 565 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

• Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
• Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
• Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
• Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some…
• The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people…
• Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
• Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
• Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
• I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat…
• I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned…
• The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

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