« All Regular Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Regular Quotes by Jack Handey
- My new millionaire idea is one regular shoe and one "swollen" shoe, for when you get bit by a rattlesnake.
- Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait.…
- I think a new, different kind of bowling should be "carpet bowling." It's just like regular bowling, only the lanes are carpet instead of wood.…
- I wish I lived on a planet that had two suns-regular sun and "rogue" sun. That way, when somebody asked me what time it was,…
- When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but…
More Regular Quotes
- We get information in the mail, the regular postal mail, encrypted or not, vet it like a regular news organization, format it… — Julian Assange
- I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very… — Jensen Ackles
- As an active member of the Air Force, Army and Mine Warfare Caucuses, I meet with enlisted personnel and officers on a… — Allen Boyd
- We are unreasonably desirous to separate the goods of life from those evils which Providence has connected with them, and to catch… — Samuel Johnson
- Willow nestled against him. He smoothed her long hair down the back of her T-shirt, feeling its softness. In a few moments… — L.A. Weatherly
- Blessedness consists in the accomplishment of our desires, and in our having only regular desires. — Saint Augustine
- Young gentlemen, who are to display their knowledge to the world, should have every motive of emulation, should be formed into regular… — Anna Letitia Barbauld
- Secrecy, being an instrument of conspiracy, ought never to be the system of a regular government. — Jeremy Bentham