Lengthwise Quotes by Jack Handey

More Quotes by Jack Handey

Jack Handey has 402 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

• If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
• Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always…
• Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone…
• It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.
• Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your…
• Think about world peace; while you're doing that I'll be over here stealing your stuff.
• When Armageddon comes, it would be good to be an Olympic athlete, because running real fast and jumping over stuff could come…
• Even though he was and enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of…

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