Joke Quotes

1327 Joke quotes by 1003 unique authors

I remember what J. Golden Kimball said when he came down to the stake where I was presiding. I introduced him as the 'Will Rogers'… — Hugh B. Brown
There was no working title for the album. The record-jacket designer said `When I think of the group, I always think of power and force.… — Jimmy Page
Take any country that has laws against hate crimes, inspiring hatred and genocide and so on. The first thing they would do is ban the… — Noam Chomsky
If you have to do something, write me a funny AIDS play. Sure you can. It's the biggest joke played on us since sex itself… — Robert Patrick
I voted for Ralph Nader in 2000, but I will not make that mistake again. The joke is over for Nader. He was funny once,… — Hunter S. Thompson
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast. — Jack Handey
The high-handed bureaucratic excesses of the IRS are a national disgrace ... riding roughshod over the taxpayers and making a joke out of our rule… — Paul Laxalt
Audiences are always better pleased with a smart retort, some joke or epigram, than with any amount of reasoning. — Charlotte Perkins Gilman
Dressing is a pleasure; clothes are not a joke. — Jean Paul Gaultier
My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,' — Carol Leifer
A poet in history is divine, but a poet in the next room is a joke — Max Eastman
There is a grandeur in the uniformity of the mass. When a fashion, a dance, a song, a slogan or a joke sweeps like wildfire… — Eric Hoffer
One should never risk a joke, even of the mildest and most unexceptional charters, except among people of culture and wit. — Jean de la Bruyere
He who laughs last didn't get the joke. — Charles de Gaulle
Now, everybody, I suppose, is aware that in recent years the silly business of divination by dreams has ceased to be a joke and has… — Arthur Machen
The whole point of animation to me is to tell a story, make a joke, express an idea. The technique itself doesn't really matter. Whatever… — Terry Gilliam
The Internet was done so well that most people think of it as a natural resource like the Pacific Ocean, rather than something that was… — Alan Kay
As we were driving, we saw a sign that said, "Watch for Rocks." Martha said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her… — Jack Handey
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him… — Jack Handey
Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opened wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and… — Jack Handey
I joke, but I only half joke, that if you come to one of our hospitals missing a limb, no one will believe you till… — Abraham Verghese
After that [father's death] I never cried with any real conviction, nor expected much of anyone's God except indifference, nor loved deeply without fear that… — Russell Baker
With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to… — Tim Vine
The incarnation is “a kind of vast joke whereby the Creator of the ends of the earth comes among us in diapers Until we too… — Frederick Buechner
We have a new joke on the reservation: 'What is cultural deprivation?' Answer: 'Being an upper-middle class white kid living in a split-level suburban home… — John Fire Lame Deer

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: