Joke Quotes

1327 Joke quotes by 1003 unique authors

If you make people laugh or cry about little black marks on sheets of white paper, what is that but a practical joke? All the… — Kurt Vonnegut
An old racetrack joke reminds you that your program contains all the winners' names. I stare at my typewriter keys with the same thought. — Mignon McLaughlin
I think that the joke and the ghost story both have a similar set up in that you kind of set something up and pay… — Simon Pegg
She'd crack A joke sharp as a tin lid Hot from the teeth of the can-opener, And cackle her crack-corn laugh. — Sharon Olds
It might reasonably be maintained that the true object of all human life is play. Earth is a task garden; heaven is a playground. To… — Gilbert K. Chesterton
So get up, get, get get down 911 is a joke in yo town — Flavor Flav
A good joke is the closest thing we have to divine revelation. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
It is much easier to write a good Times leading article than a good joke in Punch. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard. — Red Skelton
Never laughing too loudly in a restaurant no matter how good the joke. — Paulo Coelho
Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad… — George Bernard Shaw
Even when there's not a joke or a hook, the first line has to be good and snapem to attention. Songs ain't novels. You don't… — Dan Bern
Most of the time, the songs have jokes in them, little sarcastic things, or purposely kitsch or something. So that's going along with a story,… — Paul Simon
Both law and comedy are heavily focused on thought and viewing all angles. To write a good joke, you have to look at a premise… — Unknown Author
When comedy is good, it's jazz. The beats of it, the looseness, the improvisational part, the music-the way you hit the inflection, the high notes… — Billy Crystal
What I would do in order to be popular was, I'd put myself on line and joke around and be funny, and I was always… — Leonardo DiCaprio
My family always says my voice is a gift—a precious jewel I inherited from my maternal grandma, Julia Kate Hudson. My sister and I used… — Jennifer Hudson
Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail… — Bill Bailey
I've been writing joke songs since I was a kid and it served me well at S.N.L. I can write those in my sleep. In… — Maya Rudolph
A joke that works is complete knowledge in a nanosecond.... — Steve Martin
Comedy has always been important in my family. If you got in a good joke at the dinner table, it meant more than almost anything… — Isla Fisher
For April Fools Day, someone played a really cruel joke on me. They stole ALL my mirrors and I had to go hours without seeing… — James Franco
Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry but don't anybody… — Janeane Garofalo
Sometimes when I do a joke and it doesn't get a lot of laughs, it kind of feels like I'm doing jazz. That's kinda cool… — Mike Birbiglia
Over ten thousand people have signed a petition to recall Governor Schwarzenegger. I'm sorry, that is next year's joke. — Craig Kilborn

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: