Joke Quotes

1327 quotes by 1003 authors

He started to touch the mechanism under the keyboard, then pulled his hand back with a snap. "Ah," he said. "Must deactivate the security....Turn around,… — Rachel Caine
if she had ordered me to throw myself down then, I would have done it! If she had said it only as a joke, said… — Fyodor Dostoevsky
What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning-- and a child's more imporant… — Lewis Carroll
Strider's bedroom "The only thing hanging on the wall that wasn't a weapon was the portrait just over the bed. No. Not true, he thought… — Gena Showalter
Poseidon grinned. "You're doing well with those new cabins, by the way. I suppose this means I can claim all those other sons and daughters… — Rick Riordan
Elsa's joke Where do baby apes sleep? In apricots! — Jacqueline Wilson
It's a great lesson about not being too precious about your writing. You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your… — Tina Fey
Mr. Crossley suddenly wondered why he was why he was worrying about the note. It was only a joke, after all. He cleared his throat.… — Diana Wynne Jones
The thing I was beginning to figure out about Sam and Grace, the thing about Sam not being able to function without her, was that… — Maggie Stiefvater
Lend's dad, two werewolves, and a vampire. It was like the setup to a bad joke or something. A doctor, two werewolves, and a vampire… — Kiersten White
Science, the largest religion of the twentieth century, had become tarnished by images of exploding space shuttles, crack babies, and a generation of complacent Americans… — Jim Butcher
I'll talk to Mortimer and see what he thinks, and then get back to you tomorrow. In the meantime, you should really get to sleep… — Lynsay Sands
Why are you making a joke out of this?" she asks. "Because it's stupid, Nik. There's not even room in my day to think about… — Simone Elkeles
Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?' 'He is making a joke, no,' Will said. 'But he likes to think… — John Flanagan
On Monday they went out for a private picnic. On Tuesday they went for a carriage drive. On Wednesday they went to pick bluebells. On… — Lisa Kleypas
The youngest child in any family is always a jokemaker, because a joke is the only way he can enter into an adult conversation. — Kurt Vonnegut
Women don't have a sense of humor. They don't need one. The Almighty made them as a permanent joke on men. From which one may… — Loretta Chase
I laughed. Partly at the joke, partly at how Afghan humor never changed. Wars were waged, the Internet was invented, and a robot had rolled… — Khaled Hosseini
Now, what does a vampire do with a computer? Keep track of investments? Send e-mail to other vampires as you all plot to take over… — Carrie Vaughn
My dowry is thirty-five. A year.â€ His brows climbed. â€œYouâ€™re joking.â€ â€œI would never joke about money with a notorious thief. Just imagine, in a… — Shana Abe

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1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: