Joke Quotes

1327 quotes by 1003 authors

He'd assumed that you went to school because you had to learn things, starting off with the easy stuff and moving on to the bigger… — Mary Lawson
Shame about how weâ€™re gonna die here, though. I mean, seriously. An Arab and a half-Jew enter a store in Tennessee. Itâ€™s the beginning of… — John Green
A well-read woman is a dangerous creature. — Lisa Kleypas
You know, I wouldnâ€™t have done this a month ago. I wouldnâ€™t have done it then. Then I was avoiding. Now Iâ€™m just waiting. Things… — Martin Amis
War happens to people, one by one. That is really all I have to say and it seems to me I have been saying it… — Martha Gellhorn
What are you grinning at?" Katsa demanded for the third or fourth time. "Is the ceiling about to cave in on my head or something?… — Kristin Cashore
His brothers could tease him about his height or the number of scars he was collecting on his body. He could take the joke when… — Shannon Hale
Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense. — Alan Moore
We don't want to lose you Lord Rahl. We don't want to go back to way things were." She sounded on the verge of tears.… — Terry Goodkind
Just how many sisters do you have? (Valerius) Eight. (Tabitha) Eight? (Valerius) What? (Tabitha) I'm just pitying whatever poor males lived in that house with… — Sherrilyn Kenyon
Is everything a joke to you?â€ I asked. He dabbed his tongue to his lip again. â€œNot everything.â€ â€œLike what?â€ â€œYou. — Becca Fitzpatrick
[Bobby Tom] finally understood Gracie's function in his life. She was God's joke on him. — Susan Elizabeth Phillips
Whereupon a strange euphoria came over me. Not only was I exiled, paralyzed, mute, half deaf, deprived of all pleasures, and reduced to the existence… — Jean-Dominique Bauby
The future of this nation, with the present generation, You must admit is nothing but a joke — Ira Gershwin
An old joke has an Oxford professor meeting an American former graduate student and asking him what he's working on these days. 'My thesis is… — Christopher Hitchens
Which weakness shall I tell her? â€œI walk funny,â€ I say, and sheâ€™s satisfied with that. (inside joke) — Mary E. Pearson
Would like to join me? (Astrid) I think Iâ€™d look strange in a bikini. (Zarek) Was that a joke? Can it be you made a… — Sherrilyn Kenyon
My friends joke that Iâ€™m dead until I get onstage. Iâ€™m dead right now as youâ€™re speaking to me. — Lady Gaga
I have never been able to understand the complaint that a story is "depressing" because of its subject matter. What depresses me are stories that… — Tobias Wolff
Whatâ€™ cha doing out here all alone? Did you forget how to find Sanctuary? (Simi) No. I want to be alone for a bit. (Gallagher)… — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: