Joke Quotes

1327 quotes by 1003 authors

Keep your shirt on," she said with a laugh at her bad joke. "Your clothes are at the laundry. They'll deliver them as soon as… — Sherrilyn Kenyon
Hey, that's life, flick it off if you can't take a joke. — Neil Gaiman
I thought it would be such a sick joke to have to remain to be alive for decades and not believe in or feel anything. — Douglas Coupland
Everybody is waiting for the end to come, but what if it already passed us by? What if the final joke of Judgment Day was… — Jonathan Nolan
You like the girl," Alasdair offered. Nassar leveled a heavy gaze at him. "Lillian said you tried to be funny in the car. I told… — Ilona Andrews
Writing a book has about it some of the anxiety of telling a joke and having to wait several years to know whether or not… — Alain de Botton
Yeah, a lot more than he likes you," said Oh. It didn't look like Milo appreciated the joke very much. "That's debatable," said Milo. "Is… — Patrick Carman
Did I have a heart to be contented? Well, no, not particularly. I had a tendency to be discontented: ambitious, dissatisfied, fretful, and tough to… — Gretchen Rubin
Thank you,â€ Simon said. â€œItâ€™s a joke, Isabelle. Heâ€™s the Count. He likes counting. You know. â€˜What did the Count eat today, children? One chocolate… — Cassandra Clare
I was taken to an examining room where a big butch nurse practitioner came in and asked me if I was pregnant. â€œNo way!â€ Was… — Tina Fey
You've no idea how good an old joke sounds when you take it out again after a rest of five or six hundred years. — C.S. Lewis
The smallest decisions made had such profound repercussions. One ten-minute wait could save a lifeâ€¦ Or end itâ€¦ One wrong turn down the right street… — Sherrilyn Kenyon
Is anything wrong, dear? the old joke went. No, why? You moved. Just don't move. — Margaret Atwood
Life must go on, even if it's no joke...just pretend to believe in the future. — Louis-Ferdinand Celine
The car emitted on last gasp and rolled to a stop, in the middle of the Altlantic Ocean. "We're here," Leven tried to joke. — Obert Skye
Worship isn't destructive, Martin. I know that. I don't. I only know it's the core of his life. What else has he got? He can… — Peter Shaffer
Cal," I whisper into her sleep, "if you go, you know what? You'll break my liver." I want to pretend that it's a joke, that… — Brad Barkley
She'd stood by that creed. No softness, because the world wasn't soft; lots of laughter, because if you were in on the joke, the joke… — Connie Brockway
His whole personality was like an elaborate joke that he never stopped telling. — Lev Grossman
Rick said, "Is there some place we can go and talk?" "You want to talk?," Keir raised an eyebrow. "I never thought I'd see the… — Josh Lanyon

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: