Joke Quotes

1327 quotes by 1003 authors

Take care, Jeffy. Iâ€™ll see you soon, right? Just remember not to throw food at the nurses. I donâ€™t want to get any complaint calls,… — Jordan Sonnenblick
But while I'd be their daughter, while I'd eat the roast and come home from dates and wash the dishes, I would also be myself.… — Judy Blundell
My kind [vampires] does not surprise easily," he said. "You surprised me, this morning. I have thus used up my full quota of shock and… — Robin McKinley
I canâ€™t be sure, of course, but Iâ€™d compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke.… — Stephenie Meyer
Oh, something is there, waiting for me. Perhaps someday the revelation will burst in upon me and I will see the other side of this… — Sylvia Plath
A true Englishman doesn't joke when he is talking about so serious a thing as a wager. — Jules Verne
As the joke goes, you donâ€™t have to be faster than the wolf chasing you, just faster than everyone else running away. — Kim Harrison
I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a… — Noel Fielding
Strict seriousness was far more dangerous than any joke. — Saul Bellow
Leo: "So...giants who can throw mountains. Friendly wolves that will eat us if we show weakness. Evil espresso drinks. Gotcha. Maybe this isn't the best… — Rick Riordan
when he smiles it's as if you'd just told him the first joke on earth. — Mitch Albom
The power of women! I've never felt so full of mysterious power. Men are a joke. We're so weak physically, so helpless with things. Still,… — John Fowles
Fine - I said huffily. - But I hope I'm at least allowed to fly around the corridors during lunch hour. Gabriel threw me a… — Alexandra Adornetto
Trust Emmett to find the joke in the destruction of my life. — Stephenie Meyer
Oh, and Cammie," At the sounds of his voice, I spun around, expecting to hear him crack a joke or call me Gallagher Girl. The… — Ally Carter
It is almost a joke, but a joke that nobody tells. — Hilary Mantel
Oh, man," Xavier groaned. "See what you've done--now I'm stressing." "You can't! You're the stable one!" Xavier laughed and I realized his distress had been… — Alexandra Adornetto
Sarah Palin uses me as a laugh line in her stump speeches. If you're willing to turn me into a joke, you should also be… — Rachel Maddow
There is an old joke that went around- it goes, in the beginning God made man in His own image, and since the fall, man… — Alistair Begg
No wonder we cannot appreciate the really central Kafka joke: that the horrific struggle to establish a human self results in a self whose humanity… — David Foster Wallace

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1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: