Drinking Quotes

1652 quotes by 1131 authors

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason. — Benny Hill
If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a non-alcoholic. — Mitch Hedberg
Liquor - you can make it illegal but you can't make it unpopular. — Arthur Baer
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months. — W.C. Fields
He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. — Groucho Marx
The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year. — Johnny Carson
Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering. — Bob Hope
I'd like to help you, but you don't drink. — Bob Lemon
A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness... from all the free drinks. — Craig Kilborn
I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor. — Dean Martin
It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either. — W.C. Fields
Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time. — Dane Cook
I never drink water... fish f**k in it. — W.C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache. — W.C. Fields
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night. — W.C. Fields
L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking. — Wanda Sykes
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours. — W.C. Fields
When he buys his ties he has to ask if gin will make them run. — F. Scott Fitzgerald
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. — W.C. Fields
It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture. — Neil Simon

Who Wrote These Drinking Quotes

1,131 authors contributed a total of 1,652 Drinking Quotes, led by these top contributors: