Drinking Quotes

1652 quotes by 1131 authors

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful;… — W.C. Fields
Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice! — W.C. Fields
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days. — W.C. Fields
I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. — Rodney Dangerfield
Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth. — W.C. Fields
Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island? — Dylan Moran
I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass of milk. I said, "Dude,… — Mitch Hedberg
What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. — Mitch Hedberg
My friends drink everywhere. They even drink at the laundromat. I tried drinking at the laundromat, and I thought I was in a submarine, navigating… — Mike Birbiglia
There's a late-night scene in every town, and everyone has something going on, ... I've heard good stories about (Syracuse); this is a very good… — Dave Attell
This one guy, the worse guy in the music. The Yanni man. You know Yanni? First of all, anyone who looks like a magician and… — Dave Attell
Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan,… — Demetri Martin
I've no desire to hang around with a bunch of upper-class delinquents, do twenty minutes' work and then spend the rest of the day loafing… — Rowan Atkinson
I've been playing the CNN Drinking Game, have you ever played that? Where you do a shot every time George Bush says the word "evil"?… — Doug Stanhope
I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus.… — Doug Stanhope
We didn't have rehab back in the Seventies. Back in the Seventies, rehab meant you stopped doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking… — Denis Leary
Wine gives a man nothing. It neither gives him knowledge nor wit; it only animates a man, and enables him to bring out what a… — Samuel Johnson
When I finally embraced abstinence it was because of the simple urge to work a longer day. Thus, without joining Alcoholics Anonymous, I was at… — Clive James
The biggest danger for a politician is to shake hands with a man who is physically stronger, has been drinking, and is voting for the… — William Proxmire
All Jesus' pictures are falsifications; they cannot be about the real Jesus. This real man must have been totally different, because we know he enjoyed… — Rajneesh

Who Wrote These Drinking Quotes

1,131 authors contributed a total of 1,652 Drinking Quotes, led by these top contributors: