You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group. — Zach Galifianakis Focus Copy Share Image
Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself. — Zach Galifianakis Done Copy Share Image
My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't… — Zach Galifianakis Add Copy Share Image
My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name… — Zach Galifianakis Middle Copy Share Image
I like to read the bible in public places where people are watching me read it. And I like to mumur out… — Zach Galifianakis Bible Copy Share Image
I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective. — Zach Galifianakis Funny Copy Share Image
Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front… — Zach Galifianakis Ankles Copy Share Image
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted? — Zach Galifianakis Adopted Copy Share Image
I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with… — Zach Galifianakis Arriving Copy Share Image
When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but… — Zach Galifianakis Cafeteria Copy Share Image
'Baskets' isn't a CBS show. Nothing against that, but this is an off-kilter show on cable that the channel lets you do… — Zach Galifianakis Baskets Copy Share Image
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before. — Zach Galifianakis Bars Copy Share Image
I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the… — Zach Galifianakis Acres Copy Share Image
Wherever there's something that people don't feel comfortable talking about, that's where the good jokes are...A bad comic follows his audience, catering… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal. — Zach Galifianakis Being famous Copy Share Image
Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people? — Zach Galifianakis Funny Copy Share Image
I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really… — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my… — Zach Galifianakis Down and Copy Share Image
If I were 26 and this was happening, it would be all great, and I would probably buy like 17 Dodge Vipers.… — Zach Galifianakis Right now Copy Share Image
If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles. — Zach Galifianakis Blogs Copy Share Image
I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and… — Zach Galifianakis Anger Copy Share Image
When you look like I do, it's hard to get a table for one at Chuck E. Cheese. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker. — Zach Galifianakis Dry Copy Share Image
That show, 'The Amazing Race' - is that about white people? — Zach Galifianakis About Copy Share Image
