All Woody Allen Quotes
- I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Afraid
- The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. Appreciate
- I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Except
- If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. God
- I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. Attended
- I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. Believe
- If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. Every Now
- Eighty percent of success is showing up. Determination
- Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. All
- Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. Bisexuality
- I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. Beer
- In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Best Love
- My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Funny
- It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking… Bad
- There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? Death
- If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Atheist
- You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Age
- What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Carpet
- What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? All
- Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. Bath
- I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Achieve
- Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Better
- Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. Fender
- I failed to make the chess team because of my height. Chess
- I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. Funny