Scott Adams

Moslem: people who believe suicide is a good way to get laid.

— Scott Adams

“Skeptics,” he said, “suffer from the skeptics’ disease— the problem of being right too often.”

— Scott Adams

Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my…

— Scott Adams

“Dealing with experts is always tricky. Are they honest? Are they competent? How often are they right? My observation and best guess…

— Scott Adams

“Scott: What's the cure? Doctor: There is none. Scott: But that isn't what I heard. The optimist in me translated the gloomy…

— Scott Adams

Dogbert: Scientists have discovered the gene that makes some people love golf. Dilbert: How can they tell it's the golf gene? Dogbert:…

— Scott Adams

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

— Scott Adams

Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.

— Scott Adams

We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.

— Scott Adams

“Success caused passion more than passion caused success.”

— Scott Adams

The world is like a reverse casino. In a casino, if you gamble long enough, you're certainly going to lose. But in…

— Scott Adams

No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab.

— Scott Adams

“Our system requires a continuous supply of highly capable people who are so disgruntled with their jobs that they are willing to…

— Scott Adams

In yesterday's post, I asked how many of you guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a…

— Scott Adams

When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.

— Scott Adams

“There’s no denying the importance of practice. The hard part is figuring out what to practice.”

— Scott Adams

Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had…

— Scott Adams

Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more.

— Scott Adams

Swing your partner, dosey-do, now clap your hands... uh-oh, that's all the square dance moves I know... I'll bluff the rest. Slap…

— Scott Adams

The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.

— Scott Adams

“Practicality rules our perceptions. To survive, our tiny brains need to tame the blizzard of delusion generator information that threatens to overwhelm…

— Scott Adams

Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a…

— Scott Adams

Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method…

— Scott Adams

If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at…

— Scott Adams

Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness.

— Scott Adams