Best Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
- I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. All
- I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens. Bank
- I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west. Civil
- They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too? Him
- Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe. Axe
- My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good. Absolutely
- What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me! Childhood
- A hooker once told me she had a headache. Funny
- I went to a massage parlor, it was self service. Inspirational
- I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved. Deaths
- I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab! Blood
- My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. Bad
- She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker. Clothes
- She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size). Bed
- She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize. Dog
- She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial. Face
- She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history. Funny
- He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms. Arms
- His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings. Bad
- My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat. Cook
- I have three kids, one of each. Each
- I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars. Came
- I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying. Bought
- The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it. Mask
- My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear. Clear
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