All Rita Rudner Quotes
- It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was. Asked
- They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. Bank
- I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling. Feeling
- I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. Care
- I love to write jokes and that's all I think about. All
- My Vegas act is how I make my money. Act
- My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around… Age
- The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the… Acting
- When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first… All
- I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and… All
- I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock… Ballet
- I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater… Angora
- I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious. Alive
- How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the… Add
- I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen Cooking
- I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes. Boring
- Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened. Already Forgotten
- A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. Bathe
- I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go. Change
- I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine... Ballerina
- When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your… Children
- Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and… Always Gonna
- I think the most important thing about learning comedy is to start from who you are. If you begin the process by imitating what you… Begin
- Being a dancer and a singer gave me some advantage with regards to having a stage presence. I always take my timing from the audience… Act
- I have no organisational skills. All my energy goes into worry - worrying takes a lot of energy. All