All Rita Rudner Quotes
- Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved. Barbecue
- You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams. Airplane
- I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum. Buy
- I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have… Been
- Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. Buying
- I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the… Better
- Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle. Divorced
- A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax. Bikini
- My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take Always Told
- My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the… Call
- It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry… Angry
- I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make… Birth
- Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers. Drink
- Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes. Car
- Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man. Cellulite
- Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now. Book
- Men in high levels of government seldom surf. Government
- I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Annoy
- Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times. Anniversary
- When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. Eventually
- I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. Cult
- Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. Breasts
- Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. Better
- I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does.… Bad
- I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. Funny