Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with… — Jimmy Fallon Fats Copy Share Image
In a new interview, Herman Cain said that if Rick Perry were an ice cream flavor, he'd be 'Rocky Road.' I don't… — Jimmy Fallon Brain Copy Share Image
I don't like to kick people when they're down. I like to kick people when they're up. — Jimmy Fallon Down Copy Share Image
Arizona Senator John McCain announced that he plans on running for a sixth term because he is concerned about the nation's security.… — Jimmy Fallon Arizona Copy Share Image
People have disliked me. You know, in high school, I wasn't the most popular kid. I wasn't the nerdiest kid. I was… — Jimmy Fallon Disliked Copy Share Image
'Moldova: Yes or No?' That's a great app, and we actually used the geo-locator on your phone, so if you are in… — Jimmy Fallon Actually Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, you would tune in to 'The Tonight Show' before you went to sleep. Johnny Carson. A big… — Jimmy Fallon Able Copy Share Image
In her new book, Sarah Palin says she once gave up chocolate for an entire year just to prove she could do… — Jimmy Fallon Book Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton wrote an Op-Ed for a paper in Iowa about her plans to help the middle class. Middle-class Americans said, 'Why… — Jimmy Fallon Class Copy Share Image
MSNBC host Lawrence O'Donnell is saying Donald Trump lied when he said he made $20 million a year off his 'Apprentice' series… — Jimmy Fallon Apprentice Copy Share Image
Thank you, hard taco shells, for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment… — Jimmy Fallon Factories Copy Share Image
Marco Rubio's presidential campaign has raised $40 million in the last week. When he heard that, Rubio said, 'Hey, any chance I… — Jimmy Fallon Campaigns Copy Share Image
While he was in Utah, Obama discussed immigration reform with leaders of the Mormon Church. Obama introduced the first lady. Then the… — Jimmy Fallon Church Copy Share Image
John McCain responded to critics who say he's too old for a sixth term by saying that his mother is 103 years… — Jimmy Fallon Crazy Copy Share Image
Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: 'We think we're important enough to charge money… — Jimmy Fallon Enough Copy Share Image
President Obama became the first sitting president to visit a federal prison yesterday. Obama said it was a good chance to talk… — Jimmy Fallon Chance Copy Share Image
I wanted to be a Priest at one point. I was pretty religious. I was an altar boy, and I was good… — Jimmy Fallon Altar Copy Share Image
“Ben: You know what's really great about baseball? Lindsey Meeks: Hmm? Ben: You can't fake it. You know, anything else in life… — Jimmy Fallon Baseball Copy Share Image
A new helicopter service called Gotham Air is now offering users cheap flights from Manhattan to JFK or Newark airports that start… — Jimmy Fallon Air Copy Share Image
In a new poll of Democratic voters, presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee came in with zero percent support. Or in other words: We're… — Jimmy Fallon Candidates Copy Share Image
The White House is apparently pushing to create more Latino-themed landmarks. Now that's in addition to our current Latino-themed landmark, California. — Jimmy Fallon California Copy Share Image
Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.' — Jimmy Fallon Mean Copy Share Image
Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders is expected to announce tomorrow that he is running for president, making him Hillary Clinton's only Democratic challenger… — Jimmy Fallon Appetizers Copy Share Image
